BUSY WEEK FAVES

 

Wow...we are more than half-way through July and it's been a busy one this year. 

So I'm pausing to give thanks for FIVE blessings from a week of many, but these make the FAVE list that Susanne encourages us to find and share. To learn  more about the FFF, head to Susanne's blog. 

FIVE FAVES

a mess! 

end result

• CLEANING CHAOS: Last Saturday I had to  cancel a mountain hike due to the Canadian wildfires and bad air quality in the mountains and down here in the Capital Region (where it was actually worse).  Plus, there was rain almost all day.  So I went into a cleaning frenzy. I was actually looking for a specific Bible from my teen years (I was a young pre-teen when the Jesus Revolution began and it was in 1975 at age 15 when I became a Christ follower and was given The Way..the Bible that was all the rage with young people in the 1970s.) and in order to dig it out, I had to drag all the seasonal bins out of the basement closet (which is built under the stairs). Once I pulled everything out, I realized I needed to vacuum that space which took awhile. Finally after finding the Bible and another very special photo, I was ready to put everything back. This chore took me 2 hours because I ended up on the floor with  so many emotions and memories...all from one Bible and a photo. I'm thankful I had the afternoon to do this. It was a bit cathartic to be honest. I'm also thankful I got rid of alot of old junk...including old report cards my mother insisted I have. I'm thankful for memories but I  don't need all the "stuff". 

The Bible I used from about age 15-25.
And wow.....it contained quite the memories
and notes....and pictures........

• GRILLED DINNERS:  I'm thankful it's been a pretty good week for grilling dinner foods. I had bought some amazing haddock that was breaded with a parmesan-garlic topping and it was amazing!  Dave was so thankful I served something besides tofu. We also enjoyed grilled salmon this past week and grilled veggies. I was thankful we had some nice dinners together this past week and time to linger around the table and talk. 

so good!

• SOLO HIKE:  Monday was perfect summer hiking weather. There was virtually no humidity and the temps were in the low 70s in the mountains. I decided I needed to hike solo and since Dave  works from home on Mondays, this would leave him with a totally quiet house.  I headed to The Pinnacle, a small mountain (more like a hill!) just north of Lake George village.  Sadly, there were over 11 hikers on the trail that I ran into. I had forgotten how popular it is with the toursists from out of state who want to hike but usually need an easy hike. But, thankfully, once I got to the summit, I was alone for about 15 minutes and actually did some journaling. I really needed this quiet time in God's creation. I needed to hear from God and I did, regarding some personal issues. The hike was wonderful.  And it's only a 2.2 miles RT hike so I was done by noon. I'm thankful for time alone in God's beautiful creation. 

Lake George from the summit of Pinnacle

Friday evening downtime

• RELAXING FRIDAY EVENING:  Friday evening was one for total relaxation.  Dave was mentally tired from work and I was emotionally drained from many various situations going on in the hiking ministry I lead as well as my own personal life. We decided since it's been a hot minute, to just order a veggie pizza and have a bottle of Riesling.  I'm thankful my husband likes doing this. It was a good way to unwind after a stressful week. 

Moreau Lake 
Monday
on the unguarded beach on the far side of lake

• LAKE DAYS  Everyone who knows me knows I prefer cold mountain lakes to pools or even the ocean. I love the ocean.  But there's something about the Adirondack Mountain lakes that just has always cried "home" to me. And I'm not even that great of a swimmer! I was lucky  enough to get to 2 lakes this past week:  Monday, after hiking, I popped into the state park just 30 min north of my home and swam, then read a book for an hour.  It felt so nice to just be. There were only 3 other  people on the more private, unguarded beach.   Then yesterday, since Claire our youngest, has Thursdays off this summer, I've saved those days for her.....She chose for us to go to Loon Lake which takes about 1 hr and 20 min north from my house. I don't mind the drive and the town beach is free to park and use the beach. It's very shady in spots so if it's a super hot day, it's nice to have that choice. We stayed in the sun yesterday as the temps up there were just 72 and there was a very cool breeze the entire time. We ended up not swimming because the air was so cold!  How restful I felt at the lake.  Afterwards we discovered a new to us coffee shop where I ordered a maple cream hot coffee and let's just say I now have a new place to pop into when I am up that way. It was the best coffee I've had since Claire was at UNH and we used to go to the Freedom Cafe. It was a bit pricey but I was happy to give an ADK business my money. I want them to last! I'm thankful Claire and I had so much fun reading and relaxing and just talking.  These days are precious to me. 

Loon Lake
eastern ADK

Claire loves to read on the beach

as do I!!

That wraps up the faves that made me smile and say "thank You, God". 

But I would be remiss if I didn't mention another one: 

I'm thankful for my sisters in Christ...my friends from church, with whom we "do life" with. I've had texts and emails that were encouraging, as well as challenging this past week and I'm thankful I have these friends. I'm also thankful for those of you who commented or sent me emails,  on the very deep, emotional posts I wrote earlier these week most of which just came from God......Writing is a good outlet for the soul for sure. 

At least for me. I'm glad God spoke to me in that still, small Voice He uses to get our attention. 

Have a glorious weekend! I have an easy hike to lead tomorrow afternoon and then I'm on a sabbatical from leadership duties for the next 3 weeks!!  it is much needed. 

in the remembering

 A part of my journey that needs to be told........because once again God woke me up and said write. Just write the story because this is where the healing begins......

She was a tiny African-American little girl.  The youngest of 3. In an intact home in the city. They appeared to have it all together. 

She had a secret. 

I was a newlywed, young Master Teacher in a self -contained Special Education classroom in the inner city with  a suburban lifestyle. Dave and I were DINKS (double income no kids).  I was living my teaching dream and actively involved in a tiny church with a charismatic bent. I appeared to have it all together. 

I had a secret. 

She came to me at just under 3 years old. My program was for 3-5 year olds. 

She came to me mute...... but her eyes were alive. 

I was always told I was a talker..... but my eyes were often "dead". 

She never cried. 

I never cried. 

me before I needed glasses all the time...
..with my most special student
(I cannot share her name) 
this was about 1991 when she was about to turn 4

She was labeled "speech and language delayed with possible mental retardation".  Her strengths were her obedience/cooperation, her receptive language skills; and her  play skills, although about a year younger than what her  biological age was, were quiet and structured/organized. 

I had a MS in Educational Psychology/ Special Education with a permanent certification in NYS to teach birth-geriatric. My strengths were survival, organization, creativity, flexibility and rebelliousness/risk taking. (are those strengths?)

she came to me quiet. she followed all the classroom directions. she never spoke. from July to late autumn, she never uttered a word.

She didn't like to be touched/hugged/hold hands. She was fiercely independent. 

I didn't like to be touched or hugged (unless it was my husband). I was fiercely independent. ....

and I knew in my heart, and going against what the educational team thought (although the child psychologists on my team were in agreement with me), that she was selectively mute. I did not see evidence in our daily language/circle lessons nor in our small group instruction that she had mental retardation. There was no basis for it. 

Why did I believe that?

because i, too, was, mute, in a way. I never told my secret. and I sensed she had a powerfully deep secret.  

and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt, that not only did I have my work cut out for me.....I had to establish trust in this child......I wanted her to let me hold her, hug her, help her.......give her a chance to be verbal....

but i knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I also was going to be helped by her ......that we would grow together.......

My classroom program was a play-based curriculum that I wrote myself based on each student's IEP goals and developmental milestones. It's how I got the job....I knew how to teach through play. 

I discovered the photo (above)  of us when I was going through the basement and walk in closet bins last Saturday. I was supposed to be leading a fun mountain hike but the threat of thunderstorms combined with the 90% humidity and bad air quality (over 150 in the mountains and 165 down here!!) forced me to cancel.  Good thing I did because we had pouring rain all last Saturday! 

As I pulled out the old Bible I had been searching for, there was the photo of C----- and I. Oh how I teared up. That precious child, now a full grown adult. Am I talking about her or me? I was all of 30 or 31 in that photo. She was almost 4 from what I can remember. I had her in my classroom for 2.5 years and was able to confidently send her off to Kindergarten. 

I sat on the basement floor thinking back on that time....remembering.......

the time before my own counseling began for my own childhood se*ual abuse. 

I thought about how things progressed with her........

........all that summer we played, learned new concepts, and laughed as a classroom team. Except C. She smiled but she never really laughed. She played. She swam. She had excellent "at age-level" receptive language skills. And I knew.......I knew.......by now she was 3 and thriving in many ways but not verbally. Her play skills were at the parallel play level (mainly because she wasn't talking; think "toddler"  typical children  parallel play between 18 mo and 2.5 yrs) but she was beginning to engage in the next level (typically ages 3-4) which is called "associative play".  I was encouraged....but concerned......she chose to parallel play most of the time. 

I explained to my team at our weekly team meeting that I did not think C was M.R.  I said I think she has a deep rooted emotional issue possibly stemming from abuse. I was just stared at. But I knew what I was talking about!! I knew.......

and it's in this remembering that it all came back to me......

how I longed for her to trust me...the hours I spent on the floor with her in the dramatic play corner of my classroom, with the dolls and the blocks and all the things......and how she would play next to me yet never crawled into my lap the way the other children did. I had to respect that.....because that is how one builds trust. You respect the boundaries put up even though you long to hold them close.....

how i did that with my own "friends" I would hold them at arm's length....oh yes, I did the whole "Christian hug" thing at church but I was very stilted in my movements and although music moves me to tears sometimes, in those years....my tears refused to fall.......thankfully a few years later, my own counselor understood the concept of not touching until time........not all adults get that......

and finally......one day.......was it late autumn or early winter...I honestly can't remember....but it was at least 4 months since she entered my classroom......that something broke through. Oh the many play therapy sessions I did with her. 

I was on the floor with just C----playing with our anatomically correct boy and girl dolls pretending to give them a bath (this is to work on self help skills: order of things, etc).  I quietly would say things like "ok it's time to take a bath". "take off your shirt"....basically, I was modeling with my own doll, and verbalizing, what I was playing.  Children learn best through play. 

3 students were working with my speech therapist in a corner on their speech goals and my small group instruction goals.   That left 6 students with my TA over in the fine motor area (legos, puzzles, free art, etc). 

C--- and I were alone. I kept modeling how to take a bath with the dolls. 

and then boom.

"daddy puts -----------in my mouth". ( I'm sure you can fill in the blank). 

My training kicked in. I told myself do.not.react.do.not.screw.this. up.

These were her first spoken words to me other than an occasional "ok" or "bye Faith". 

I simply repeated what she said. "Oh, daddy ------in your mouth. I wonder what that looks like". And then I paused. Inside i was praying please God let her talk or show me. This child is suffering. 

She picked up those dolls...and boy did she show me. 

I told her "that's scary. That's not ok. My job is to keep you safe. You are safe here, C-------" 

And she just continued to play, by dressing the dolls and moving on with her life.

Meanwhile? I'm on robot mode. I called Marta's name (my amazing TA who worked so very well with me and we could communicate without even speaking sometimes just by gestures and sign language. I asked her to gather the children onto the circle area and play music and do a movement game. The speech therapist left to go get the social worker. Social worker came into my room, I quietly spoke what just happened...she told me to make the call to CPS. 

Friends, that was one of the hardest calls I've ever had to make. I was going to rip apart a family. But I'd be damned if I allowed her to go home to that monster. 

Fast forward to a flurry of activity involving police, a restraining order, getting the mom some help and support, and getting dad out of the home. 

And guess who  crawled into my lap by the end of the week? 

I'm  telling you this because she had a safe place to crawl to. I had built trust with her and I wasn't gonna let her go. I know this story is hard to read. But sometimes the hard parts of remembering is also healing. 

God does that for us. He wants us to crawl to Him and He isn't going to let us go. I believed it then, and I believe it now. It's just so difficult to do sometimes when you don't feel that trust....when you think you're going to fall. 

The rest of C----'s story is special. We bonded over the next 2 years and i cried the day she left my classroom for good....graduating into kindergarten, a typical, strong, 5 year old. Her story doesn't end there. I was called into a meeting while out on maternity leave, and...... It's too painful for me to talk about here in this space. But know that many years later, God allowed me to see her. As a young adult. It was truly miraculous. If you are a personal friend of mine, I can share it with you at some point. It will fill you with gratitude for His Grace. 

I have placed the little photo of C---and I  on the microwave cart that sits by my kitchen door..the entrance from the garage that we use all the time. Next to it is a piece of driftwood; I will share why that's there in another post. 

The reason for the photo? 

for me to remember that I have a Light to shine......

.......I have a story to tell......(my own).......

And that God can use even broken people, like me,  to reach others......

I want to see this photo on my way out of the house to remember that He moves in mysterious ways to get us to a point of healing.......

It's in this remembering that God is softening my heart again. 

and maybe I can crawl into His lap once again........

Where the Healing Begins

 

Sometimes I just need to hike alone. 

If I had been braver, I would have escaped to Goodnow Mt one of my fave trails and mountain summits in the lower High Peaks. But there was a bear sighting there recently and so......I chose a closer to home little mountain...a hill really...called The Pinnacle. I'm not a huge fan of the trail and it's very popular but I was alone on the summit for a solid 15 minutes. Just enough time to cry out to God, before more hikers invaded. and just enough time for me to write down what He was whispering...shouting........to my heart. 

These are my thoughts from the day....most of these thoughts came about while actually hiking the 1.1 miles to the summit. I jotted them down in my journal and am writing here from some of those writings from the mountain. 

I'm not going to go into why I'm in this place. This place in my mind, soul, and heart again. On and on it goes.......sometimes 5 years go by and I don't dwell on this issue.....but this summer....ever since a discussion on forgiveness and then the actual forgiving during a prayer time with friends, I've been haunted by this one last thing. This holding on to something which I need to release, yet am stuck. So my thoughts while traversing over loose rocks, went like this: 

I'm caught in an in-between.....

between holding the Hand of my Savior 

to

clenching my fists with old loves, old friends, old hurts locked inside

and Satan laughing because he thinks he won this battle. 

But he hasn't. 

Cause I'm a survivor

I'm wanting God to hold my breaking heart but I'm so used to being in that survival mode I'm afraid to surrender.......

............for to surrender is to fall......

............................................................. and who's going to catch me? 

But just like God.......He showed me His Love in the form of  something He created. 

And then I see a wildflower with several blooms, standing alone among the weeds but it's tall and is that me? and He whispers, that's like you with friends all around you but these are safe friends, trustworthy friends and they will stand with you. 

And then I come to the summit and I say, God I see evidence that you are all around me but why do you feel so distant?? 

And then I sat.  In the quiet. It was peaceful but my heart and mind were not at peace. 

I whispered "God please talk to me about this pain" 

And here's what I journaled as His Spirit moved my pen so fast across the paper I could barely keep up and had to re-read it after I was done writing.......

This is where the healing begins

This is where the healing starts 

(like the song!)

When you come to where you're broken within....My Light will meet your dark.......

My Spirit sees you have forgiven your own abuser and those former leaders.  However, you're afraid to see Truth....the Truth that will set you o nthe path to healing is to see that none of those people were your friends. They were acquaintances who judged you. time and time again. 

I've given you people now to be your true friends....but you're so afraid to get close to them. 

You hold them at arm's length and for many that's ok.....for the ones that are acquaintances......

but Oh my daughter, you have been given some true friends. 

Friends who can speak into your life.  Friends who aren't afraid to tell you the Truth. Friends whom you can trust. Friends who won't betray you. 

I see the disappointments and losses you've had to face these last few years: the loss of your earthly father, the loss of trail running that you loved so much, the loss of climbing certain mountains due to your spine issues and I saw you when you had constant headache pain. I never left you. You endured so much physical pain and pushed past it. Can you not see I am here...your friends are here....to help you push through this emotional pain?? 

You had to grieve the loss of your spiritual mentor M...she left the church and has her own issues with church abuse and refuses to deal with it....maybe that's a loss for your best.....you, my daughter, are going to deal with it.......

I've given you a different friend in her place....do not shut her out. You have shut out people in your past.  Do you not see I had a purpose for you in creating SoulSteps beyond the hiking fun? You have begun to form friendships with some of these women. I knew exactly who you needed in your life......and this is where your healing begins. 

Your friends want to walk with you as you release the old and grab onto the new...the Truth.........I will have a perfect time for that release....for you to release these people from your past.  I will have a perfect time for you to unclench those fists, and surrender to My Love completely. And then you will go and share your healing with others. 

Your friends won't judge you. They accept you. 

You long for approval from past leaders but you will never get it...nor will they ask you to forgive them because it is MY Spirit and My Spirit only that can move them.

Your new friends? They don't see you as broken.  They do see you as strong but they pray for you to release the pain of lost friends and embrace the new ones. 

You're like the green leaf with the torn spot.  You're growing in Me and you have over the years but you have this torn spot that I want to make whole. 

It all comes down to trust. 

This is where your healing begins. 

2026 Book Review #25: Beyond the High Peaks

 

This is the kind of non-fiction book I most enjoy, other than books by some of my fave Christian authors like Priscilla Shirer, John Piper, Lisa Harper, etc. 

This book is a little bit Adirondack history and a lot Adirondack hiking on lesser known trails. Both topics I thoroughly enjoy.

SUMMARY

This is a collection of short hiking essays/narratives.  They highlight 12 different wild and utterly beautiful places in the Adirondack Mountains.  

Most hikers gravitate towards the High Peaks or  chase challenges like the Firetower Challenge (I completed that in 2015) or the Waterfalls Challenges, etc but the author has discovered that the Adirondacks have a lot more trails and mountains to offer.

There are over 40 designated wilderness area and wild forest regions within the Adirondack Park boundaries. I've been to most of them and have hiked in most of them. 

During the last 40 years, the author has visited most of these places and he journaled while on the trails.  He contemplated the relationship between wildness and being human.  He did this while totally immersing himself in deep forest solitude. 

He includes photos that go along with his descriptions, ruminations and reflections. 

Each chapter is titled and the book begins with an Introduction.

1. Pillsbury Lake Retreat
2. A Great Day in the Mountains
3. Alone in the Wild
4. The Last Warm Day
5. The Souls of Trees
6. Ridge Gambling
7. Wild Realty
8. The Whispering Wind 
9. A Nap by the Lake
10. That Climbing Rush
11. Cause for Concern
12. Going Deep

MY THOUGHTS

I loved reading this because some of the wilderness areas  and wild forest regions the author mentions, I have hiked in.

I've hiked at least 41 trails in the various wilderness/wild forest areas he writes about. Several of those are significant mountains. Two were High Peaks and 3 are on the top  100 highest for NYS/ADK. I know I'm missing some as for the last year I've neglected to record the trails I've been hiking with my hiking group. 

I love his descriptions of the trees and mountains he sees...and the air he smells and the sounds...like that haunting cry of the loon. 

If you like to read good descriptive narratives, and you like to hike, this book is perfect. 

I own a copy of this book and it will join my other Adirondack Hiking Guides and History books on my living room bookcase. 

In my opinion, this book is appropriate for ages 12 and older.

On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest, I rate this a 10.