Where the Healing Begins

 

Sometimes I just need to hike alone. 

If I had been braver, I would have escaped to Goodnow Mt one of my fave trails and mountain summits in the lower High Peaks. But there was a bear sighting there recently and so......I chose a closer to home little mountain...a hill really...called The Pinnacle. I'm not a huge fan of the trail and it's very popular but I was alone on the summit for a solid 15 minutes. Just enough time to cry out to God, before more hikers invaded. and just enough time for me to write down what He was whispering...shouting........to my heart. 

These are my thoughts from the day....most of these thoughts came about while actually hiking the 1.1 miles to the summit. I jotted them down in my journal and am writing here from some of those writings from the mountain. 

I'm not going to go into why I'm in this place. This place in my mind, soul, and heart again. On and on it goes.......sometimes 5 years go by and I don't dwell on this issue.....but this summer....ever since a discussion on forgiveness and then the actual forgiving during a prayer time with friends, I've been haunted by this one last thing. This holding on to something which I need to release, yet am stuck. So my thoughts while traversing over loose rocks, went like this: 

I'm caught in an in-between.....

between holding the Hand of my Savior 

to

clenching my fists with old loves, old friends, old hurts locked inside

and Satan laughing because he thinks he won this battle. 

But he hasn't. 

Cause I'm a survivor

I'm wanting God to hold my breaking heart but I'm so used to being in that survival mode I'm afraid to surrender.......

............for to surrender is to fall......

............................................................. and who's going to catch me? 

But just like God.......He showed me His Love in the form of  something He created. 

And then I see a wildflower with several blooms, standing alone among the weeds but it's tall and is that me? and He whispers, that's like you with friends all around you but these are safe friends, trustworthy friends and they will stand with you. 

And then I come to the summit and I say, God I see evidence that you are all around me but why do you feel so distant?? 

And then I sat.  In the quiet. It was peaceful but my heart and mind were not at peace. 

I whispered "God please talk to me about this pain" 

And here's what I journaled as His Spirit moved my pen so fast across the paper I could barely keep up and had to re-read it after I was done writing.......

This is where the healing begins

This is where the healing starts 

(like the song!)

When you come to where you're broken within....My Light will meet your dark.......

My Spirit sees you have forgiven your own abuser and those former leaders.  However, you're afraid to see Truth....the Truth that will set you o nthe path to healing is to see that none of those people were your friends. They were acquaintances who judged you. time and time again. 

I've given you people now to be your true friends....but you're so afraid to get close to them. 

You hold them at arm's length and for many that's ok.....for the ones that are acquaintances......

but Oh my daughter, you have been given some true friends. 

Friends who can speak into your life.  Friends who aren't afraid to tell you the Truth. Friends whom you can trust. Friends who won't betray you. 

I see the disappointments and losses you've had to face these last few years: the loss of your earthly father, the loss of trail running that you loved so much, the loss of climbing certain mountains due to your spine issues and I saw you when you had constant headache pain. I never left you. You endured so much physical pain and pushed past it. Can you not see I am here...your friends are here....to help you push through this emotional pain?? 

You had to grieve the loss of your spiritual mentor M...she left the church and has her own issues with church abuse and refuses to deal with it....maybe that's a loss for your best.....you, my daughter, are going to deal with it.......

I've given you a different friend in her place....do not shut her out. You have shut out people in your past.  Do you not see I had a purpose for you in creating SoulSteps beyond the hiking fun? You have begun to form friendships with some of these women. I knew exactly who you needed in your life......and this is where your healing begins. 

Your friends want to walk with you as you release the old and grab onto the new...the Truth.........I will have a perfect time for that release....for you to release these people from your past.  I will have a perfect time for you to unclench those fists, and surrender to My Love completely. And then you will go and share your healing with others. 

Your friends won't judge you. They accept you. 

You long for approval from past leaders but you will never get it...nor will they ask you to forgive them because it is MY Spirit and My Spirit only that can move them.

Your new friends? They don't see you as broken.  They do see you as strong but they pray for you to release the pain of lost friends and embrace the new ones. 

You're like the green leaf with the torn spot.  You're growing in Me and you have over the years but you have this torn spot that I want to make whole. 

It all comes down to trust. 

This is where your healing begins. 

2026 Book Review #25: Beyond the High Peaks

 

This is the kind of non-fiction book I most enjoy, other than books by some of my fave Christian authors like Priscilla Shirer, John Piper, Lisa Harper, etc. 

This book is a little bit Adirondack history and a lot Adirondack hiking on lesser known trails. Both topics I thoroughly enjoy.

SUMMARY

This is a collection of short hiking essays/narratives.  They highlight 12 different wild and utterly beautiful places in the Adirondack Mountains.  

Most hikers gravitate towards the High Peaks or  chase challenges like the Firetower Challenge (I completed that in 2015) or the Waterfalls Challenges, etc but the author has discovered that the Adirondacks have a lot more trails and mountains to offer.

There are over 40 designated wilderness area and wild forest regions within the Adirondack Park boundaries. I've been to most of them and have hiked in most of them. 

During the last 40 years, the author has visited most of these places and he journaled while on the trails.  He contemplated the relationship between wildness and being human.  He did this while totally immersing himself in deep forest solitude. 

He includes photos that go along with his descriptions, ruminations and reflections. 

Each chapter is titled and the book begins with an Introduction.

1. Pillsbury Lake Retreat
2. A Great Day in the Mountains
3. Alone in the Wild
4. The Last Warm Day
5. The Souls of Trees
6. Ridge Gambling
7. Wild Realty
8. The Whispering Wind 
9. A Nap by the Lake
10. That Climbing Rush
11. Cause for Concern
12. Going Deep

MY THOUGHTS

I loved reading this because some of the wilderness areas  and wild forest regions the author mentions, I have hiked in.

I've hiked at least 41 trails in the various wilderness/wild forest areas he writes about. Several of those are significant mountains. Two were High Peaks and 3 are on the top  100 highest for NYS/ADK. I know I'm missing some as for the last year I've neglected to record the trails I've been hiking with my hiking group. 

I love his descriptions of the trees and mountains he sees...and the air he smells and the sounds...like that haunting cry of the loon. 

If you like to read good descriptive narratives, and you like to hike, this book is perfect. 

I own a copy of this book and it will join my other Adirondack Hiking Guides and History books on my living room bookcase. 

In my opinion, this book is appropriate for ages 12 and older.

On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest, I rate this a 10.

Mid-July Faves

 

Didn't July just begin?

How is it the middle of the month already? What happened to lazy summer days? 

I'll be a little lazy right now and begin my FFF to share five blessings God brought into my life.   There were so many blessings in what, so far (Wed morning) has turned into a tough week. A tough week of soul searching. But a good week. Join in with your own blessings and then head over to Susanne's site to link up. 

FIVE FAVES 

• BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION: Last Saturday was our oldest daughter's 33rd birthday, which blew my mind because that's how old I was when I gave birth to her. Yup...I'm an older mom and have loved it! Because she had plans with her boyfriend for the entire day, she wanted the family celebration to be on Sunday and requested a BBQ. So I made beef burgers for everyone except Claire (our youngest is pure vegan) and I (I don't eat beef or pork) in which case I made Beyond Meat burgers that honestly taste just like beef minus the fat.  They all came out great. I also made her favorite ranch pasta salad, had her fave chips, and watermelon. We ate on the deck and we were so busy  fellowshipping I didn't take many photos.  We moved inside for the chocolate cupcakes from her  fave bakery (vegan ones for Claire and i) and gifts.  It was so awesome to have Courtney, Tyler, and Claire over for an after church Sunday dinner and birthday celebration. I'm so thankful it  was a fun day and totally relaxing. 

opening a gift from her sister 

some kind of tea thing for her tea pot
I can't remember what else Claire bought her
but it was something on Courtney's wish list 

Dave surprised her with something from her wish list 
and I also got her something from her wish list but
this was a totally spontaneous gift Dave found
at the mall....it's like Legoland kits but cheaper.
the reason? One Fish Two Fish by Dr Seuss 
used to be the book they would read together when she was little
She read independently at age 4
yet still wanted this book read to her. 
She loved it. 

• NYCB at SPAC:  Saturday evening was my annual mother-daughter date night with our youngest daughter. Claire and I purchased balcony amphitheatre tickets back in March and I'm so glad we sprang for the best (center) section and our fave row. Scoring tickets for the New York City Ballet are expensive now at Saratoga Performing Arts Center if you don't wanna sit on the lawn. We don't mind at all. It's worth every penny and now that Claire is a working adult she buys her own! Because the story ballet they were performing this summer was Mid-Summer's Night Dream and we've seen it twice and it's not a fave for either one of us, we chose the Inventions and Icons performances. Three ballets and the last one was Symphonie Espagnole and choreographed by Tiler Peck our current fave ballerina from the last few years. She is an incredible dancer and her choreography was exquisite! It premiered here in Saratoga although it's been performed this spring down in NYC. Photos  taken are not allowed other than by press so here's one from the press. The press also took our photo before the show! I'm so thankful the high humidity dropped for Saturday evening and that it was a perfect night out. 

photo  courtesy of the Albany Times Union

Claire and I at the ballet

• POWER OF PRAYER: Without getting into it here...no details....I needed some prayer support this past Monday. It revolved around forgiveness. One of my small group members was here as well as my friend J whom I met when she joined my hiking group. We hike often and I've come to trust her.  We all prayed together and it was quite powerful and I definitely felt some relief. I'm thankful for the power of prayer. I wrote about the experience here and I'm also thankful that my friend Joan isn't afraid to be real with me. The conversation we had really stretched me, made me think, and made me thankful for her friendship.  It's only close friends who get to be "real" with me and I'm glad I can trust her. She's very spiritually wise. I need that right now. 

 

• NEIGHBOR CHAT:  Thursday morning while getting ready to go to the lake, I saw a neighbor from around the corner who used to go to my church and was on the worship team; I ran out to say Hi and we ended up having this amazing chat. She is an amazing person who lives life well and embraces  all.  I hadn't seen her all summer so the spontaneous chat made me say "Thank You God, for Anne." and then later, she sent me a text thanking me for something I said to her that helped to validate her feelings.  I'm thankful I could be there for her and felt prompted to call out to her. 

Schroon Lake
eastern ADK
16 July 

• LAKE DAY!  Yesterday was my youngest girl's day off ( this summer she's working 4 ten hour days a week and has Sun/Mon as her weekend, and then Thursdays off). She asked if I wanted to go to one of our fave town beaches about 1.5 hours north of us. I said sure. We live off the Adirondack Northway which runs from western Albany all the way up to the Canadian border. There's also a section of it that heads south out of Albany to NYC.  It's a free interstate and after the first 30 min north, you can basically drive 70-75 mph and be in the high peaks region of the Adirondacks about 2 hours later. I love it.  It also can be used to access the highways that run east-west to get to the Central and Western regions of the ADK and some of those towns take 3-4 hours or more to reach once you leave the Northway. The ADK is  huge! The town beach we love is in the village of Schroon Lake and is right on Schroon Lake in the middle of town. It's free to park and free to use the beach and park.  It's gorgeous. Click the highlighted links above to see it better. My sister Joy was also there so we all sat together on the grassy section and swam in the lake. The lake is still pretty cold but so refreshing.  The air up there was less smoky  from the Canadian wildfires than  down here in the Capital Region! It was definitely less hot and humid up there, too and there was a beautiful breeze off the lake. It felt so perfect to sit in the sun, read our books, talk and just relax. There were a few tourists but overall the place was not crowded at all. I'm thankful we had a relaxing day for our bodies and souls. 

ice cold mocktail...
pineapple juice, cranberry, lime and seltzer

Claire enjoys lying on the grass
reading a novel. 

A nice day to swim and then relax
I have a beach towel over my legs as it got chilly!

That wraps up my week, other than to say, I am very thankful for muscle relaxers, central air, and ice. My neck has been wicked tight with the extreme temps and having arthritis is tough in extreme temps. 

Whatever you do this weekend, be safe! 

2026 Book Review #24: Sandwich

 

What a light....yet deep....book!

It's a play on words, really.  The title I mean. 

Dave and I were just in Sandwich 2 weeks ago spending the day and the description of the vacation cottages, etc is spot on. But it's also the main character being in the "sandwich" era of her life: aging parents and half-grown children, who are young adults with their own needs and issues.  I highly recommend this story! 

STORY SUMMARY

Rocky (Rachel) is married to Nicky and they have two almost totally grown up children: Willa, who is gay; and  Jamie who has a girlfriend named Maya.  Rocky and her family have vacationed on Cape Cod every year for 20 years. They look forward to it!  They rent a very humble, little beach-town cottage and they've made memories and messes:  emotional, marital, and because of the ancient plumbing, they've also had septic issues over the years. But the memories are sweet and they still all want to vacation together. 

With this year's vacation, Rocky feels sandwiched in between her aging parents and her young adult children. It's going to be a great vacation, as always, but Rocky is also dealing with, at age 54, the symptoms and mood swings of menopause. Rocky's body is changing...and so is her life. 

A chain of events bring Rocky into her past and she begins to relive not just the tender, poignant moments, but the sorrows a couple of long-ago summers when her  children were preschoolers. 

They are only on the Cape for one week...but in that week,  everything is in balance, yet everything is in changing. Rocky learns some things about her own family's past and then she is forced to accept that she can't hide certain secrets any longer, especially from the people she loves. 

MY THOUGHTS

This is a book with laughs, tears and many precious moments

I loved this book other than a few crass words and depictions as well as many editing errors. 

The characters are richly developed and so real! I could relate to Rocky on so many levels except the hot flashes (I didn't get those during menopause). 

The setting was so well described, I could smell the salt air and pines and feel the sandy shore under my toes. 

The main themes in this story seem to be: physical and emotional changes in women; transitions of life and relationships; abortion; homosexuality;  intergenerational dynamics/family dynamics; love, forgiveness, acceptance. 

Some quotes that really resonated with me were all from the ending of the story: 

"...that's part of choice--we get to make our own decisions, even if they're imperfect.The potential that you might regret something? We don't make anything illegal beause of that....." (pg 204 Sandwich by Catherine Newman c.2024

"Maybe grief is love imploding. Or maybe it's love expanding. I don't know. I just know you can't create loss to preempt loss because it doesn't work that way. So you might as well love as much as you can. And as recklessly. Like it's your last resort, because it is." (pg 220-221) 

 

In my opinion, this book is appropriate for ages 17 and older (due to mature content). 

On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest, I rate this a 9.