This book jumped out at me from the library shelves due to the title.
It's an historical fiction story based on the slavery of the Caribbean Islands and it takes place in one year, from 1834-1835. Rachel, the main character, and her journey to find her children who were taken away from her and are now young adults, is based on a true story.
STORY SUMMARY
On the Providence Plantation, on the island of Barbados, the plantation master gathered his slaves together to make an announcement. It is August 1834 and the King of England has just decreed an end to slavery. The Emancipation Act of 1834 was going into effect the very next day.
But the joyful cries of the slaves soon grew silent because the master also announced that although they would no longer be his slaves, they would be his apprentices. They would need to serve him for 6 more years. And no one can leave. "Freedom is just another name for the life they have always lived." (taken from the book jacket).
So Rachel decided to run.
She begins a desparate search for her children. Five of them survived birth but were then sold to other masters/plantations. She wondered if any of them were alive.
She was on the search for Thomas Augustus, Mary Grace, Cherry Jane, Micah and Mercy. Were any of them alive? Where were they??
Rachel has to leave Barbados and travel to British Guiana and Trinidad. She figures a mother cannot be truly free until she knows what has become of her children.
The answers might be more than she can bear.
Will they be re-united??
MY THOUGHTS
This is a powerful look at what the slaves in the Caribbean Islands endured and a history I never learned about in school or college. I wonder why that is. 😢
The character developement is rich and complex and the setting is perfectly described.
I love the themes of survival, hope, forgiveness, maternal love, the meaning of freedom, and resilience not just of individuals but of a community.
This story will stick with you long afte the last page is turned.
In my opinion, this book is appropriate for ages 14 and older.
On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest, I rate this a 9.
I'd been planningthis hikefor well over a year. When I discovered, through the hiking group I founded in 2024 (SoulSteps), that there was a member who was physically fit enough...and willing to hike outside the group....I was so grateful. I met Joan in the winter of 2024 when I spoke to a class at church about the group I was leading. In fact, her name was one of the first ones on the sign up sheet!
Little did I know then what God was orchestrating.......
2 years of getting to know each other, mainly through the group hikes, left me feeling like I could trust her. Trust is tough for me. As it is for any survivor of not only childhood s*xual abuse but church abuse as well. This summer? I was dealing...finally.....with the latter. I was feeling frustrated because my old methods of survival weren't working. The case came up in conversation after a small group of us were sharing about forgiveness. That led into this spiral of remembering things that belong in the darkness but needed to come out to the light. Things that needed to be exposed. Some were! I've written about the lawsuit here in the past...or at least have alluded to it..how I helped to advocate for a girl who had been abused by the hands of a deacon and how the leadership in that place, covered up the crime, claiming they would "take care of it". That's all I'm going to say about that case. It's really not my story to tell although I'm a a part of the lawsuit she brought forth.
The part I had to deal with? The loss of old friends. The betrayal of leaders I once respected and although they gave us a difficult time regarding our decision to become members of a new church (the one we've been going to and growing in since 2005), they did maintain the friendships via social media and when we would run into them at a funeral or a graduation party, they were always cordial. Until I stood up for the young girl.
So....add spiritual/church abuse on top of s*xual abuse and it's damaging and difficult to navigate through life. (Yes, even with the healing I received through counseling and theophostic prayer regarding my own situation). But I always thought I was doing pretty well with it. Until this summer after praying a prayer of forgiveness, when the enemy (Satan) really got into my head. And 3 weeks later..... still dealing with this....I finally had a hike that I didn't have to lead and one in which it was just a friend I trust and me.
I thought this would just be a fun day out with a good friend and a challenging trail to conquer.
Little did I know the challenge would be my heart.
So..we started hiking in the morning and it was beautiful. The weather was perfect!
about a half mile in from the southern end
the trail from the south was to the left of the stream for most of the first 4 miles
the first glimpse from south trail of Hoffman Mt (3693 ' elevation) (no trail leads to the summit)
Andthat's when Love began to break through.......
.........we had hiked, I think....about 4 miles and all of a sudden after trekking along next to a beautiful brook and through diverse terrain....I started to really process. We had been chatting, and there were silent times of just hiking, and I felt at home in this glorious wilderness and my body and mind felt safe.......and yet.......
.......there was this yearning to be at peace within
............a yearning for God to touch me, see me, hear me, release me......
........................and a yearning to be free..........
The timeline is blurred in my head.......I can't remember tonight if what I'm about to share happened before we got to the Big Marsh (the halfway point) or after. I think it was shortly after.......
first glimpse of Big Marsh this is about 4.3 miles in
another view....I love the mountain ridge
this was my fave spot on the entire hike Hoffman Mountain and Big Marsh I felt so safe here.......
and yet.............................
there were these tangled heartstrings longing to be made loose and there was a yearning in my soul.................. for peace, joy, hope...................and I wanted to feel God
I usually feel closest to God in the woods and mountains what was wrong with me??? Where was He?
We continued hiking and Joan had been talking about something spiritual and I can't remember now what it was exactly but all of a sudden I heard myself asking
"they weren't really my friends, were they?"
my pastor's wife, my counselor, and 2 good friends (Joan being one of them) have been saying this to me over and over for the last month. it was finally breaking out of me......the realization that they were never true friends.
Why?
because true friends don't shun you when you stand up for Truth, when you show love to an abused girl, when you share your own testimony of your own childhood abuse making yourself vulnerable to more than 20 deacons/elders and their wives and teaching them what to look for only to have them not take that knowledge and do the right thing....betrayal cuts deep and I was wounded and broken......
I had to sit down, so we found a perfect log off the trail in a little glen -type spot and just sat. My mind was racing, my heart was hard yet I felt like the pieces that were broken and tangled were spinning all around trying to break free........and although I don't think my hands were clenched tight into fists like they've been during worship at church the last 3 weeks, they felt rigid.....I didn't want to break but I did want to break free..........I didn't want to cry and I was determined to not cry and show that depth of grief I could feel rising up in me ready to spill up and over........
Joan said she was going to read from the Jesus Calling devotional. I didn't want her to. I had started it at home while having breakfast and had to slam the book shut after the first paragraph......."Come to Me. Come to Me. Come to Me. This is my continual invitation to you, proclaimed in holy whispers".
I felt tears welling up in my eyes.....I kept screaming inside my head "stop, don't cry, don't let go". yet my heart was aching......
........and she kept reading so calmly and quietly......." when your heart and mind are quiet, you can hear Me inviting you to draw near. Coming close to me requires no great effort on your part."
at this point I could feel sobs rising up and out of me...I tried to stop them.......
..........and she kept reading......"Open yourself to my loving Presence so that I may fill you with My fullness. I want you to experience how wide and long and high and deep is My Love fro you so that you can know My Love that surpasses knowledge"
I believe at this point I am fully crying and trying to stop but it isn't working. My heart had become so hardened I was afraid He wouldn't want me. What would Joan think of me?? I'm a small group leader! I need to get it together.......and yet.......
.........I felt the Spirit of God pulling those heartstrings like He did 30 years ago....only this time it was a lot harder........
............."This vast ocean of Love cannot be measured or explained, but it can be experienced".
and then she read the Scriptures that went with the reading:
My mind was screaming "Are you kidding me? this was my journal writing a few days ago..that I wanted...needed.... to drink of the Living Water........"
Was God showing up in this place? was Love really breaking through to rescue me like in the song I wanted to experience?
Was Jesus really going to storm through the tower of my heart?
was He really going to break through? Wasn't He disappointed with me? Wasn't Joan wondering what the heck was wrong with me?
and then this Scripture:
And by then I was crying and wanting to pray......
it was God's perfect timing...and perfect place....when I looked at Joan's face, I only saw the Love of God........
I prayed, releasing these old hurts, old "friends" into His Hands for Him to pick up and you know what??
My thought that He couldn't hold my broken pieces and hold me at the same time wasn't an accurate thought. He can hold our brokenness and embrace us at the same time. He is mighty to save.
I had to ask God to just take this from me and confess I couldn't do it anymore. I asked Him to make these memories and those people fade like the driftwood fades.........
..............and I felt free.......
I felt light in my spirit and just couldn't believe this was actually happening.
Love broke through on that hike........
it still seems unreal........
I've since been able to share this with my pastor's wife (who was completely thrilled and so encouraging) and with Cheryl my counselor who was also so thankful and happy and was rejoicing with me. And she explained that yes, I had major healing from the childhood trauma but that the beginning that I kept wondering about all summer???
I kept hearing God whispering to me during my morning meditation and journaling to "go back to the beginning....it's in the remembering......go back to the beginning...."
I knew it wasn't my own beginning of abuse. I thought it was the time my little student was abused badly by her father and I voiced to my self that I would never tell anyone my secret and I would never trust God the Father ever again.
But no. Cheryl confirmed it was the beginning when I myself was 7.....because church abuse happened then too. My pedophile was a youth leader. In church. And she said that is when I first experienced church abuse and now all these years later....another church abuse and that psychologists are now learning that that kind of abuse? from a church? is the most damaging of all.
but Love broke through and I have experienced a joy, a hope and a peace that I haven't experienced in a long time.
It's not fully over nor will it ever be......it cuts deep....but with clinging to Jesus the One who sets us free....the memories will fade and it might be 2 steps forward and 1 step back but the true work of letting go and releasing these people who really aren't friends is complete.
When Love breaks through, your darkened soul becomes light because of His Light.
And when you have a friend who shines that Light well and allows Love to show through......
there's safety in that.
And that'sfreedom.
and yes....we hiked the entire trail and came out of the woods at 6 pm.
Here it is Friday again! Time to look back on the week and share FIVE of our Favorite blessings. I had so many blessings this week. But I'll share the top five and link up with Susanne at her blog. Join us!
FIVE FAVES
Dave pruning our cherry trees
SATURDAY WITH DAVE Saturday morning, Dave had to get up on the very tall ladder that reaches to the roof to temporarily fix the gutter strip that had partially torn away from the gutter in last Thursday night's thunderstorm. I had noticed it Friday morning but he had to work all day so couldn't get to it that day. After realizing he was going to have to call a gutter service (he temporarily tucked the strip into the edge of the gutter making a loop so it couldn't get loose again) he decided to then get the shorter ladder (he hates heights) to prune both of our cherry trees. He pruned/sawed and I carted all the branches to the backyard area where we store brush until it's dry enough to burn. Then we had other chores to tackle and the afternoon was a partial Sabbath rest for us. For dinner, we dashed out to pick up Chinese food and then we watched the third movie in the Enola Holmes triology. We agreed the first 2 movies were better, although we did enjoy the ending. I'm thankful we had a day for just the two of us and that we spent the morning getting a lot of yard work done. I'm also thankful for in-home date nights.
photo compliments of instagr*m
before
RESTORED I never order from a site I see advertised on social media because the 2 times I did,the product ended up being NOTHING like what the ad showed and both items came from China and were poorly made. One was a pair of sandals (one arrived with a broken heel!) and the other was a very poor quality dress I ended up trying to send back but of course the company refused to communicate with me. My credit card company did agree to not charge me for the item. Anyways, I saw this product on social media so did my own research into the company, read reviews and ordered directly from their website. I'm thankful I have this product because the results speak for themselves. And it arrived within 10 days of ordering it. It doesn't get rid of gouges of course but look at the water damage in the above pic and look how the salve restored my kitchen cupboard! I'm thankful I could buy this.
after!
EMERGENCY VISIT: I woke up Friday morning with what I thought was a case of Patellar tendinitis or wicked shin splints. I iced the knee on and off all that day and didn't work out. On Saturday, my knee was feeling a burning feeling and my right foot was tingling and I had sciatic nerve pain going down the back of my upper right leg. So I knew right away....like in 2012...that this was a pinched nerve in the piriformis muscle (look it up) which is exacerbated by sciatic nerve issues. Thankfully, on Monday, after having wrapped it for 2 days, I was able to get into my amazing chiropractor for an emergency alignment and massage of the piriformis muscle with the hypervolt and some PT stretches for the upper thighs that she put me through. It was hell. BUT...when I stood up after she worked on me for 25 minutes, the tingling in my foot was gone, the pinched nerve feeling was gone and I only had mild upper back pain. She said the pain was coming from S1-S2 joints so not a disc issue like 14 years ago. I'm so thankful she considers me an established patient and I'm very thankful for good health insurance that gives me unlimited visits to the chiropractor. She wished me luck on the hike the next day and had me schedule a follow up for today (Friday). She thinks I overdid it with the daily power walking and no rest day and being on hard pavement made things worse. Her alignment of my lower spine brought on some upper back pain on the right side but that's pretty normal for me.
all wrapped for the hike!
HARD HIKE!Tuesday was a day my friend Joan and I had set aside to go hike a trail that's been on my bucket list for 10 years. I'll be doing a separate post about Hoffman Notch but for now: it's the iconic Adirondack trail that most die-hard hikers like me wanna hike, but most don't. Why? because it's (per state measurements) 7.6 miles one way. In actuality, because of re-routes and major blowdown and the trail disappearing after the first 4.6 miles, it ended up being 9.05 miles and over 21, 786 steps!! Because we didn't want to hike south to north and then turn around (that would be 18 miles!!), we took Joan's car to the north entry point, then got in my car and drove to the south entry point, began hiking at about 9:30 AM from the south which is Loch Muller (town of Schroon, eastern lower high peaks region) and went north to Blue Ridge Rd in North Hudson (high peaks region). We bascially were hiking a flat trail except in two spots, and came out at the exit point on Blue Ridge Rd at 6 pm. We LOVED it. I had no physical pain, God showed up big time which I will write about in the actual hiking post sometime later today or this weekend. We were actually energized! Which is odd. We then got in Joan's car, drove south for 3 exits, got back to my car, changed into bathing suits right there in the wilderness (no one is around and we are 12 miles from civilization at this point). Drove our cars to the Schroon Lake town beach (it's now about 7 pm) jumped in the lake to cool off, wash off the bug spray, got our bag of clean non-hiking clothes and shoes, went off to find bathrooms to change, then had a very late dinner (8 pm) at this fave spot before driving home and arrving at home at 10:45 pm. We left my house that morning at 6:30 AM. Long day but very rewarding, and we are super close, tightly knit friends now and it's day we will never forget. I thank God we were safe (we were the only humans in that trail system!!) and that we were able to get through the bushwhacking parts just fine. This was not a hike for my group SoulSteps. This was just 2 friends out hiking and it was perfect. God is good. Here are just a couple of pics to show you and the whole hike will be in a separate post with all of our pics.
about to start this hike! Joan and I at about 9:30 AM Tuesday
This is what the trail looked like for most of the 4.5 miles to the Big Marsh which is the half-way point going from south to north very narrow and thick vegetation
To clarify: to hike through a notch means to hike a narrow gap or like this trail, to hike through a deep depression between 2 mountain ridges/peaks. We hiked between the Hoffman Mt /Blue Ridge range and Washburn Ridge.
Beautiful Big Marsh at about 4.3 miles in Hoffman Mt is in the background (no trail to summit) and it stands at 3,693' so almost a high peak
we had to trek through this yes, this is the trail....... totally overgrown for about a half mile after leaving the marsh at this point we have another 4 miles to go
This is what most of the "bridges" were like... walking a balance beam....this was a "dry" section of the brook Most of the stream crossings involved knee high or higher water In the hiking post later this weekend, I will explain why at this point I am wearing an ace bandage on my left leg
THE END!! 9.05 miles hiked This is the North End where Joan's car was parked. We were thrilled we actually succeeded and did the entire trail end to end....most people turn around at Big Marsh and go back on the "Easy" part of the south end.
Schroon Lake about 7:15 PM The lake felt so good! The air was getting chilly.....
PHONE CALLS: my pastor's wife and I talked by phone on Wednesday evening. I was able to share with her about the hike and what God did during it. It was a great conversation and I'm so very thankful for my church leadership. They are the real deal and so trustworthy!! I am thankful I can call them friends. And on Thursday morning, my friend Joan called me to check on something and share a Scripture with me. I'm so very thankful for these friends in my life. And then last night, my very dear friend and therapist from years ago, called me to hear my news about Tuesday and she said she was so happy to hear how God showed up. She informed me that recent psych research has shown that people who have endured spiritual/church abuse have more damage to their souls than the s*xual childhood abuse. She said because I had both, this is one reason it took so long to work through. We ended up praising God together. I never want to take my close, intimate friends for granted. I'm so very grateful for their care.
As a little girl.....and then a teen....and then an adult........this Scripture has been one of my top 10 faves
I've always been drawn to the mountains........
my childhood home was in the foothills of the Adirondacks...the largest publicly protected park in the lower 48 states....larger than Yellowstone, Glacier, Yosemite and the Grand Canyon combined. Let that sink in for a moment.
my childhood family camp, until I was about 17, was in the southern Adirondack region.....close to many amazing mountain lakes and trails.....
for 10 days every July, from age 7-18, I was at our church's conference camp.....outside of Saratoga Springs....it was where I became a Christ follower (during the end of the Jesus Revolution movement) and in my last year of church camp, I climbed my first ADK High Peak: Giant Mt. That's really when I fell in love with this Scripture and with climbing. Even though we only had sneakers on and nothing but one water bottle each (what were our youth group leaders thinking??) we scaled that mountain and had a praise service on top......it's where I felt safe.....
Giant Mountain, the ADK's 12th highest peak elevation 4627" I climbed that in 1978 this photo is one I took from the summit of Rooster Comb in 2020... .....where is a fantastic view of Giant Mt and other high peaks Since then, I have climbed to Giant's Nubble which i think is the 2nd point from the summit, going towards the right in the pic.
Now?
People ask me all the time why I get up at the crack of dawn (typically) and drive 2 hours to hike a 6 mile mountain.
this is one reason:
.....i like challenges....most of the peaks I summit are not like this one pictured..... I just happen to connect with the quote......
they are most like this one.......and it's because of this, I hike......
summit of Cascade Mt High Peak at 4098' elevation August 2020
the views........the challenge.......
yup.....you have to climb up this and there's no ladder! Cascade Mt the "easiest" High Peak to climb in the ADK this is where I have to walk sideways down so the discs and the knees and the toes are not injured (of course I didn't know this until about 10 yrs ago)
you must scramble up this
or when you are on Rooster Comb Mt, which is one of my favorite mountains in the entire ADK High Peaks region, although it isn't a peak that is over 4000' high, you actually get a bit of help before the final ascent:
heading up Rooster Comb Mt
Is it worth it, people ask me? even my hiking group friends who only feel comfortable hiking on flat trails (which by the way is perfectly fine....any trail is an adventure!) cannot understand the pull of the mountain summit to me.......
is it worth it?
Well...yes.......look:
my niece Mady and I on the edge of Rooster Comb summit
Mady and I on the summit of Hopkins Mountain, 3156' high High Peaks region of the ADK
I mean...look at the beauty! That's God's art work! and I feel safe on a summit.....
it's because of this......seeing Him in the world He created.....it's where I feel closest to God.......and I feel safe.......
.........and honestly.....this past month, there's been a disconnect.......I've only hiked 4 mountains so far this year and I'm feeling antsy about getting on a summit again......And out of those 4, only one was over 3000' high (Haystack in Vermont).
I have hiked 17 different trails since March with the SoulSteps group, or solo.
But the mountains are calling to me, because God is calling me and I know there's this thing ...this obstacle in my life that I have to face......and in the mountains, I feel safe.......
..........and maybe with the hike that's coming up this week in the deep wilderness surrounded by my beloved mountains, I can finally release this to the One who made it all......
......maybe, because of this, I will "feel" that deep connection again......
because of this, maybe I will feel safe again........
on Rooster Comb Mt looking at Marcy, our state's highest peak because of this............i find God.........
