Teens and Dads

I have just finished an awesome book by Josh Weidmann entitled "Dad, If You Only Knew....8 Things Teens Want to Tell Their Fathers (but don't). This book is powerful! Josh has a powerful ministry to teens and parents...you can check it out by clicking on the link in my sidebar. What I learned from this book (my husband and I read this together) is that there are 8 main things that teens want their fathers to know. They are:

• "Please tell me you love me" (deals with approval, affirmation, affection)
  
• "love me with actions, not just words" (deals with boundaries, touch, time)
  
• "I need your friendship" (deals with the 4 stages of the parent/child relationship)
  
• "you've always been my hero" (deals with integrity)
  
• "I need you to listen" (deals with the difference between hearing and really listening!)
  
• "just be real with me"
• "please be my coach" (talks about the differences between teaching and coaching!)
• "please help me figure out who I am" (deals with identities that teens try out....this is a great chapter!!....ALL teens go through this stage....don't kid your self that they don't!)

I am recommending this book to all my friends who have teenagers. This has been so helpful to me and my husband as we are dealing with our 13 year old turning 14 next week. We realize we really only have her under our roof, most likely, for 4 more years! And the time flies by! We know we have done some things right, and we know we have made mistakes. This book is such an encouraging book to read and Josh has taken the Word of God and knows how to get his point across with the practical as well as the spiritual. This book is a bit geared towards the stable, 2-parent Christian home; however, the principles can be used for fathers who have custody or partial custody of their children if there is already a good foundation laid in the child/parent relationship. If there is an absent father, these principles can be used by the mother but that is a much different dynamic.
Quotes I like from this book:

• "allowing a teen to fail can be one of the toughest, but BEST lessons a teen will ever learn"
• "teens want to see their dads LIVING for the Lord"
• "teens will use whatever they can to get the ATTENTION of their fathers"
• "how love is expressed daily sets the image of God in their lives"
• "approval doesn't always mean giving consent, it just means supporting someone"

One major thing I knew but needed reminding of:
Parents are Nurturers for children ages birth to age 7 (primary roles through provision, security, presence)
Parents are Teachers for their children ages 8-15 (teaching the fundamentals of their faith, morality and wisdom)
Parents are Mentors for their children from ages 15-18 (the main objective here is to help your teens navigate culture and learn to be morally responsible adults for when they leave home)
Parents are Friends for children ages 18 through adulthood (if a solid foundation is in place, your kids will start to think and function like adults and seek out your advice and company)

SO: pick up this book! Read it! Study it! Encourage your self! And stay in tune with YOUR teen!