Realistic Romance

I'm participating in Marriage Monday, hosted by E-mom at this site, today.

Our topic is Romance in Christian Marriages.....how do we keep the romance alive in our marriages...especially those of us who have been married for more than 3 years (the "honeymoon years").

Dave and I have been married almost 22 years. We will celebrate our 22nd anniversary on the last day of June and I find it so hard to believe that we are up to that number!!  It has gone by so fast!!  We have an 18 year old in college and a 13 year old in her first year of Junior High School.  It's just so hard to believe we have been a married couple for almost 22 years!!

Dave is not super romantic but he does do things that I consider romantic....and he does them often enough to keep things fun and interesting.  I am the one who needs to work more on finding ways to keep the romance going, other than buying sexy lingerie! lol.....

The main thing we do? we are realistic about our expectations and we try to meet each other's love language. Every.Single. Day. It is sooo important!!

We are both busy but we do try to connect in our day. (thank God for texting!)

There is one evening a week where we hardly see each other until we are in bed.  Late. Exhausted.

But...that's our reality. And let's remember that romance does not equal sexual intimacy.  

The main thing we do is stay aware of each other's love languages.  This is formost on our minds lately as our pastor is in the 4th week of a sermon series on the 5 Love Languages.  AND....on Saturday we are attending the Love Languages Conference at our church with the author himself, Gary Chapman!!!  We are both so excited to meet him!!

By knowing and meeting each other's love language, this signifies romance.  It is an effort to meet a love language consistently and correctly.


We also keep romance real by some of the following easy steps:

According to an article about romance that I read via the Focus on the Family website, there are some things you can do (or your spouse can do) to put that spark back into your marriage.  Dave and I already do some of these on a consistent basis.

• START DATING AGAIN! guess what??  You don't always have to spend a lot of money to have a fun date!  We are walking examples of that, trust me!  Here are some cheap dates that just about anyone can incorporate into their week or month.  Because we are quite busy with ministry duties and with our 13 yr old's extracurricular activities (which require me to do the driving around), we do date nights about once or twice a month.  In the summer months we tend to do them once a week. Try some of these: 

1. Rent a movie or browse one from Netflix.  Make his fave snack or beverage, find a fave quilt or fleece blanket and cuddle under it to watch the movie. Talk about your fave parts afterwards...be creative!
2. Take a walk after dinner or after breakfast if it's the weekend. I do this to encourage my husband to work out a bit...we start out walking briskly and on the cool-down, we are chatting away and having loads of fun like old times!
3. Go biking together and pack a picnic lunch to enjoy when you get back to the car (or eat in the backyard if biking from home)
4. Watch the stars together late at night, holding hands.
5. Couch Time: devote one evening a week (or month) to just sitting with each other, chatting, (no work talk allowed), pray together, share your devo or what God is showing you.
6. Participate in one fun social event at your church or in your community.
7. Ride your fave amusement park ride together.

There are so many other things....it all depends on what you both like to do....just get back to dating each other!!

kayaking in the tandem
on Moreau Lake
Glens Falls, NY
c. faithe MTpics 2011

• MAKE YOUR SELF ATTRACTIVE or KEEP UP YOUR OUTWARD APPEARANCE.Yes it is important to love each other for WHO we are, not for what we look like...but really....don't let your self "go"....too often I have seen women just turn into slobs after children have been born.....if you are going grey and you don't wanna look like a grandma yet, then by all means color your hair!!  I found a reasonable hair stylist who will color my hair for about $45 every 6 weeks. It is worth it to me! And for goodness sakes, get a trendy hair cut! There's nothing worse than a woman in her 40s/50s who is still wearing her hair the same way after 25 years! (in my opinion, please note this is MY OPINION...well, ok, and that of 2 of my hair stylists!)  Buy good quality clothes that fit you well......work out to stay in shape...it doesn't mean you have to look like a model (keep in mind that many photos you see in magazines are photo-shopped!!!!)......there's a  lot I can say about this topic....just....dress nicely, stay groomed, do your hair, keep in shape, and encourage your mate to do the same. It's important AND it's a good testimony.

In The Musee de Louvre
at the
Venus de Milo Sculpture
Paris, France
April 2010

• COMMUNICATE  YOUR DESIRES EFFECTIVELY!!  use "I need" or "I feel" statements, rather than "you need to...." statements.  Becoming judgmental or a nag is NOT romantic!  And be careful not to complain all the time to your spouse.....there's a proverb about that!  

                "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day"  Proverbs 27:15     

                     

• DO GOOD THINGS DAILY!  Treat your spouse the way you want to be treated.....um...you know, Jesus wasn't kidding when He said that this is the 2nd greatest commandment:

LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOUR SELF.....

Practice doing those little things for your spouse, like you did in the honeymoon years.  Here are some ideas I use to keep the romance going......in fact...I plan on doing number one tomorrow when I make his lunch for work.....(it'll be surprise cause he never reads this blog! lol....)

1. write love notes and stick them in his lunch box, on his dresser, on his steering wheel.....be creative!
2. Tell him you are praying for him and ask him what his biggest prayer request is.....men who have Words of Affirmation as their love language might like to hear that you are praying!! This works for Acts of Service guys too.
3. Buy him a special treat he likes....I make sure my husband has his fave blue power drink for work.....I can't stand the stuff but he loves it! it's romantic to get the things our spouse really likes and it shows we still care about his likes/dislikes, preferences.
4. Don't nag. About anything. NOTHING romantic about constant nagging.
5. Give him a back rub or rub his feet....and he might do the same thing for you...this can be VERY romantic......:)
6. Surprise him with tickets to an event he's been wanting to see/do.

I'm sure there are many other things but these are the main ones I do....

And a cute outfit, lipstick and fresh hair color doesn't hurt, either! :)

In the French Gardens
Hammond Castle
Gloucester, MA
c. faithe MTpics 10/2011