Heart Matters

as seen from my cell phone
15 September 2014

Peace.

like a river............

As I  power-walked along the Mohawk River tonight, in the north-western section of my town, I stopped to drink in the sights spread before me where the river view was opened up between late summer wildflowers and lush green bushes...........

I glimpsed the blue heron perched majestically on a lone rock in the shallows.........

I heard the cry of a jay, and the sounds of pounding feet behind me, as runners ran............

and I felt a bit of peace in this crazy, chaotic mess of a world.........my world that turned upside down in a matter of minutes just 6 days ago.............

photo courtesy of google images

my husband came in from work rather early on the 9th............

I had been home for about 45 minutes from the chiropractor appointment I had after teaching all day........and was cutting up veggies to roast, while the chicken was marinating for the grill.  Claire was in her room doing homework. Keep in mind that we have only been in school for 8 days as of today.......the 9th was only our 4th day of school so we weren't crazy busy yet............

I won't go into all the details......but the long story short is that he was having a heart attack after  thinking briefly it was heartburn.  I drove him to the nearest hospital about 8 miles across the Hudson River from our home in crazy rush-hour traffic. The strength and peace of God was all over me.  I was calm on the outside for him,  but my heart was pounding.  I could not believe this was a heart attack. Dave is 6 years younger than me and always has lower blood pressure and cholesterol than me!!  (overall numbers). How could this be happening??

I got him there in time, they did their thing to stabilize him and told me to follow the ambulance as they were transporting him to the cardiac care unit in a hospital just a few blocks away.  It was real. My husband of almost 25 years, whom I had been struggling with in previous days about a couple of issues cropping up in our marriage, was having a heart attack!  I could not lose him!! I texted our pastor's wife first asking her to pray.  I then texted 2 more friends and a sister.  I needed the prayer support to get started for him. And then I waited.

and waited............. 

the amazing thing?  Only 33 minutes from the time I drove him until we were in the cardiac care unit and he was getting a stent put in.  It happened that fast. To see the time frame, I kept the texts between my pastor's wife and I on my cell phone.  Dave came home at about 5:10 pm.  By 5:45 we were in the ER and he was having the EKG and taking the nitro.  My pastor's wife texted me just a couple of minutes before 6 that they were praying.  By the time I got over to the cardiac care unit, it was a little after 6 and they were doing the procedure.  By 7:15, Deb (the pastor's wife) had texted that she was bringing me some snacks.  I was doing ok............I hadn't cried.  I had stayed strong although my heart was still pounding and I just kept lifting him up to the Lord.   I texted one of my friends from small group so she could get the email prayer chain going in group.  I also contacted my sister and she prayed right over the phone.  Actually, I'm a little fuzzy on that...I think I did that while we were still in the ER.  At any rate, things happened fast.

And when I saw my pastor and his wife walking in to the waiting area, I just burst into tears.  It was finally sinking in that this was real. 

And it was sinking in to this sometimes oh so un-trusting heart, that these leaders loved us. They cared!   I had texted that she didn't have to bring me anything!!  And yet......there they were.  Church leaders in my past have not always been trustworthy.  They haven't always been safe. I have struggled with trusting church leadership for years...........but no more.........God showed me His Heart through these people.

What a blessing to have them by my side.  Shortly after they arrived, the cardiologist came in and explained what he had done for my husband. He found a 90% blockage in the "widow maker" artery of the heart so put in the stent after going in through Dave's wrist.  Technology is amazing!  He said some other things and I was so focused on his words that I didn't think to take notes...but Deb did for me and then texted them to me.  God is good.  He showed me this church 9 years ago...........and it was confirmed this past week that these leaders are the kind we want to do life with....these leaders and the other friends who helped pray for us and support us, and gave Claire dinner and rides to youth group functions this week, are the ones that are the hands and feet of Jesus.  They are the ones we feel safe with, the ones we can say are "like Christ"........are excellent role models and represent Jesus well............

I had a neighbor who picked up Claire from ballet one night so I could go be with Dave in the hospital (he was there for 3 nights) and another neighbor who mowed and weed-whacked our entire yard on Saturday, Dave's first day home.

With all of this...........and the Intercession Prayer team at church.......and the phone calls, emails, and texts of concern and care.........all of this, brought much peace to our hearts.

And regarding the work of our marriage.....the issues we are working on.........well, I had prayed to God that He would change Dave's heart on a couple of things.............it's funny about heart matters......the physical is so easily fixed sometimes............

and the spiritual/emotional is so fractured at times........yet, when it comes to heart matters..........I'll take working on the spiritual stuff over the sudden physical attacks, anytime!

I have a deep peace in knowing I married the right man...........

I have a deep peace in knowing I am in the right church, with the right leaders............

And I have a confidence that these heart matters............the physical and the emotional/spiritual, will be healed.............

God is Healer.  He gives us wisdom.  And knowledge. And truth.  And peace............

"the Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace."  ~Psalm 29:11~

The issues I'm working on in my marriage are not going to disappear overnight.  Marriage is work.  Recovering from a heart attack will take work on Dave's part, and support from me as his wife.  God is doing something with these matters of the heart........and not just the physical aspects.  The emotional intimacy................my feelings are twisted and jumbled and I hear words that I don't know I can trust........... yet one thing I do know.............

the peace of God is in my heart............and right now, that's what matters...........