"Even when the rainbow seems to pass right by me....I'm still finding Gold in the clouds....."

10 February 2008

Secrets for Sizzlin' Marriages!

Dave and I attended an awesome seminar, sponsored by our Marriage Ministry group at church. The featured speakers were our pastor and his wife. There were about 300 people there. We were set up at tables in the sanctuary and the decorations were gorgeous. We were given a packet for note-taking and these lips were on the cover. Very catchy and cute!
Now, we have attended several marriage-type seminars in the past. One that was held at our old church was very good about communication which seems to be a topic that is almost always covered at marriage workshops. Yesterday's seminar was different for us in that we were at tables for discussion rather than just sitting in an auditorium. Lunch and snacks were provided. There were fun giveaways and Hershey kisses tossed on the tables. We sat with some other couples we know from the Youth Center ministry. Some of what we heard/discussed were things we have already learned or known as a married couple. Some were great reminders. Some things we have never heard discussed in a Christian marriage workshop together. Here is a summary of the secrets we learned that help to make your marriage sizzle!
  1. The marriage must have the attitude that it is a commitment! It is a life-long commitment. (there was a side note that sometimes there are Biblical grounds for divorce but these were not covered at this workshop).
  2. Communication is very important! (see, yet another workshop on this topic!). We discussed and learned that even the small talk should be taking place as a priority in our marriages. To take the time to really listen and talk. To find out if our spouse is either an internal processor (a thinker) or an external processor (a talker!). This was new info for us. I am a talker as is my husband...so...sometimes things get very heated at our house! Also, knowing your spouse's love language is vital to effective communication. I have posted before about children and their love language needing to be filled each day. Well, this was the first time we have ever been in a marriage workshop where the love languages were discussed. Since we have a good handle on each other's love language (we both have a primary one and a secondary one), we were helping other couples to learn theirs. It was great to hear the pastor and his wife talk about the 5 love languages. It is a subject very dear to our hearts here in the T----home!
  3. Celebrate your differences! As married couples we can do this by:
  • recognizing the differences
  • accept the differences (we are not talking about immoral behaviors here....just the differences of personality/gender)
  • validate the differences
  • Celebrate: see the up side in the differences!
Also discussed here was things to do if your marriage needs help:
  • Recognize you need help and get help early before walls are built up.
  • Get help from the right source: seasoned Christians with good marriages (usually found in Marriage Ministry teams at your church (IF your church even has such a ministry); sometimes you might need professional help (marriage counselors); godly leaders in your church/small group
  • Do what they say! Try the steps the people helping you want you to try!
And last of all: focus on fun! This was a good reminder for us. Go out on dates! We brainstormed (each table) about dates that were less than $20 or free! We came up with some great ideas. Some we have already done in the past....we told each other we would make this more of a priority!
Things that Dave and I want to focus on to make our marriage sizzle: making time each evening for the small talk and having more time for "just us" rather than always doing things with the children. Our marriages as Christians can be good role models for the world/neighbors. Let's shine the light of Jesus in our immediate world and concentrate on having marriages that sizzle! (oh, and splurging on something from Victoria's Secret always helps, too! and THAT was something we had NEVER heard before at a marriage workshop...it was great!)

6 comments:

Susanne said...

Accepting and validating the differences. That is an excellent point. Validating them is something I think I need to make a conscious decision to do.

Jennifer said...

That sounds like a great conference.
It's great to take time out for each other.
Hubby and I attended "The Song of Solomon" conference a couple of years ago. It was great!

No matter how short a time OR how long a time you have been married...it's fun to go to stuff like this...and refresh you relationship.

I hope you have had a great weekend!

Jennifer =-)

Susannah said...

Love the sizzlin' lips. It's wonderful that your church attracted 300 attendees to a conference like this. Young marrieds are so hungry for good teaching on marriage.

Sounds like this one met all of your expectations... and more.

Blessings, e-Mom

Connie Marie said...

Oh la tee dah, I am so bored with all this talk of laaaauvvvvv, hehehe

No, I kid. But...
I just don't wanna be bothered with all this anymore. Maybe I am just getting too old. Maybe I have a vitamin deficiency, mineral?

My husband has lots of vitamins, minerals.. and he definitely does not need any encouragement from VS!!!! ha

Thanks for sharing your learning.
I hope your VD is just the best you ever had for both of you.

Faith said...

Thanks for all your comments, everyone.
As you can tell I was VERY excited to be at this conference. I think mainly because it was a day away from the kids and focusing on my marriage!

And yes, 300 people is a good number but keep in mind that we are a church where we average about 1800 or more per weekend (3 services) and have a core membership of about 650 so....we do get a good turn-out for stuff like this. I think it also shows just how much couples want to work on their marriages!

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