tightly holding on to those things.........the fear of letting go and yet the fear of keeping them clenched.......
That longing for liberty in worship, abandon of praise.....
the facing of loss and grief and why does it feel like crawling.........why this bending...........
...............and yet I'm not breaking.
Just like He promised.
hearing Psalm 62....those verses that God placed in my mind a few weeks ago.......
.......and now here at church being spoken aloud and sung in worship and my fists....
unclenching.....
.......my voice singing......my heart stirring.....my eyes lifting.......
my spirit bending lower to go higher......
........singing a little and not feeling like my heart is frozen.......
........praising Him for Who He is even if I feel stuck in rage about those leaders.....trying to keep it fenced in, pushed down but knowing God wants it brought to light.......given over to Him......
to do that means unclenching these hands........
raising them empty to Him to hold onto........
and the knowing that He was using the worship, the Word to speak to my soul.
and Daniel in the lions den?? Really?
yet....He spoke to me through this sermon......."don't hold God at arm's length".....um....yeah, so that was for me to hear!
and...."It's better to be in the lion's den with God than in the palace without God" (our church's Small Group/Discipleship Group Ministry Leader/Pastor preached today (Tim O_____,) not our regular senior pastor)
and oh wow....realizing that, even though God knows all about me, about the losses I need to face, about that hurt and distrust, He wants me to TELL Him...to be real...in prayer......because prayer is worship and no wonder my worship isn't productive and my prayer life even less so......
unclenching of those fists has begun.....and even though it's painful to face loss, some loss is better for us.......and God is a God of justice....I may not see it here on earth but He knows......He sees.........He hears.......
"Prayer is hard........because it requires trust".
The first point in our sermon notes.
My eyes look up....to that lighted cross......
my eyes look around to this new church, my home for 7 years now and I praise God for bringing me to this place.....
of unclenching my fists..........and believing, trusting, praying that those things will slip through in the letting go
and God?? He knew what my soul needed......Daniel in the lions den sermon and Psalm 62 and finding this image with both??
The Lion of Judah is more powerful than any "lions in my den"!
The Lion of Judah is more powerful than any "lions in my den"!
That's God speaking to me.
4 comments:
I need this one. Thank you for posting Faith....I got chills reading it. You are quite the gifted writer!
Melanie!! thanks...It just comes from my heart, you know? doesn't happen all the time! and glad it could encourage you....so glad you are on the blog...are you writing a post??
"my spirit bending lower to go higher" - this is a neat expression. I loved your references to the Lion of Judah and the lions in the den - it's so neat how God takes familiar Bible stories and makes them "new" to us.
What a good God we have to meet us where we're at and speak right to us in a way that we can receive it.
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