Bending but not Breaking

They were bent.

Not broken.

Lying scattered.......dead, dark, damp-like spots on roots exposed.........

..........and I had to crawl up.

and over.....

on the trail near caves of Castle Rock

..........to get to the top.

Bending...............

............but not breaking

~ my soul feels exposed......feelings scattered, lying open

..............damp tears on the inside,
 damp tears on the outside not allowed to fall

 for to fall is to feel

~Sadness, disappointment in others' choices, exposing roots from the soul........

~raw edges..........but needing to be worn smooth by truth from the One who is Truth...........

Bending............

but not breaking

~ and hoping for one to understand, to help place Hope

bending

but not breaking......

.......feelings lying scattered.....deadened heart exposed....

and trying to crawl up.

and over.

to get to the top

Writing the above words stems from a morning devotional time I had on Monday.

This was perfect timing and so like God to poke me with this Truth taken from 2 Corinthians 12:9

"He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.'"

And I am weak right now.

A letter we received has left me reeling.  And the feelings it has stirred up are fragmented, torn, confused, and hurt. The follow-up conversations were tough.  So many mistakes from people I loved, and respected. So much wrong. And the feelings that ensued......

 I can deaden my heart to it but the roots are still there.

Even from a healing past, if you face a situation that brings reminders from the enemy, you can feel those negative feelings all over again. Even if healed. The enemy wants to keep us down on the ground, not getting to the top.....he wants to break us and  he wants us to give up.

And it is tempting to give up.  Because it is so much easier, at times, than facing feelings of loss, disappointment and anger.

And from the Jesus Calling book, on that very day (no coincidences here!!) the anecdote was about staying in the present. Because that's where we are supposed to live...the present is where God waits for us. And.....the last statement in that anecdote matched something I read on Sunday.  About asking for help and sharing each other's burdens. Asking for help even if you have the teacher-personality and independent spirit like I do. I cannot be self-sufficient in this season.........in the crawling.....because....HIS Power has been made perfect in weakness. And although I don't like feeling "weak" I know I am strong.

So.....I'm crawling up...........

...........to get to the top.

 Again.