Drowning on the Inside

~hiding.................

.................to keep the tears from showing.........but i feel like i'm drowning on the inside............

Who do I trust now? 

who sees this pain i've buried in this heart-box, tears pushed down..............

.............in a box with a tiny hole to breathe one breath to hold................

so i don't drown~

the past feels like the present and the present feels like the past.........

..........but....... i'm healed, cleansed from those first tears bottled up for years...........

...........only to spill over and out.......

........................... and freedom came........

for years.

with no more tears.

and one phone call changes my laughter to mourning, my freedom to guilt, my joy to sorrow...........

........my past to the present. again.

the tears are falling on the inside like rain all around me...........

and i feel so alone.........

do i dare to stand in this rain? 

do i dare trust again? 

do i dare to forgive again? how can i forgive the unforgivable?

How could He? 

do i scream, do i cry, do i fight, do i flee?

and if i do, who will help me? 

cause i'm drowning.............

...............on the inside............

...........needing to get out of the box...........

.............and breathe..........

 so i can cry.........

.................and be free?