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| Along the Cascade Mountain trail High Peaks, Adirondacks 4 September 2020 |
Love. It shows up even in the most barren of spots.
When our oldest daughter (Courtney) was about 6 years old, me and the girls started spending most of our August days on the Cape (Cape Cod/Buzzards Bay) at the big family beach house that my sister in law and her husband bought for the family. We gathered there every Thanksgiving from 2001-2014. (we no longer have this house in the family...that's a whole other story!). As the girls grew, they began to explore all the tide pools, and swim, and kayak, and we made bonfires on the beach and roasted corn and clams, etc. etc. And one tradition I absolutely loved, was Courtney would find a heart shaped rock every time we were there! We didn't collect them really. We did collect sea glass and shells. But one year she did give me one and it was a treasure I still have on a shelf in my living room. Gifts is her primary love language as is mine and sometimes it's the gifts from the heart that show the most love.
When we weren't on the Cape, we would be camping in the Adirondacks and hiking mountains or deep woods trails. A couple of years ago, I began to keep an eye out for heart-shaped rocks along the trail. I did this because I miss being at the beach house...I miss those camping days and I miss the girls hiking with me. Finding a heart-shaped rock on a trail is rare..... sometimes I would succeed and most often I wouldn't. And when I do, I'm reminded of the love of my family.
And then Friday 4 September came!
I had my childhood friend and hiking buddy spend the night at our home and we woke up at the ungodly hour of 4:30 a.m to leave by 5:30 to go climb New York State's 36th highest mountain peak. It's named Cascade Mountain and stands at 4098 feet high. It's a tough trail but is considered the easiest of the 46 highest peaks in NY. I've climbed 10 of the highest 100 mountains. This one is tough but mainly because of all the rock scrambles towards the very end.
As I was plodding along, I stopped to have a snack and wait for Cheryl to catch up. This was my 2nd time climbing this peak and her first. I happened to look down and there was a heart-shaped rock! (see photo above).
And immediately I was filled with a sense of peace.
For those of you who know me well, you know this hasn't been a summer of peace, really. Oh, Dave and I are fine......but what with Covid19 and new school guidelines, and him working from home, and having to be the sub the last week of summer school, and having this lawsuit to deal with and all the triggers that happened......let's just say peace has often been elusive in my life since July.
But sitting on the log, eating my nut mix and looking down at this rock gave me a sense of peace.
I started to ask my self WHY? Why do I feel this sense of peace here??
And I started to really look. I saw this barren soil.....and everything brown or grey.....the dirt, the pine needles, the twigs, the rocks. But there's a stark beauty to it....it's nature...it's formed by God's Hand!
Our world......our journey...is not always going to be filled with rainbows and light. Some dark, dreary times will come into our lives and do we hide from it? No...we plod on, just like I do up a mountain trail....and at times, we can see the beauty in the pain..........that heart-shaped rock? That's beauty to my eyes. To my heart. My soul.
and if you look carefully, you can see a spot of green to the left in the picture. (It's easier to see on my iphone.....but it's there, trust me).
It's a spot of green right next to the large stick. It's a little clover. It's small. but it's growing right there in the dark dirt.
When we face dark trials, we have the chance to grow our character, or maybe our integrity, or maybe our patience, or our love for others....whatever area you need to grow into.
For me? I need to be able to let go of toxic people. People whom I thought were friends but turned out to be fake ones. People who didn't do the right thing morally or ethically. I cannot be around it any longer. It doesn't lead to good growth. I've had to release them, so to speak, and let the wind carry them off.....the thought of them.......it's hard to forgive the unforgivable and my pastor actually emailed me and told me the difference between forgiving and then being able to trust. He said "trust can only be rebuilt through a track-record of trust-worthiness. And that may never happen. in fact, in most cases of deep hurt it will never happen."
That spot of green? for me? It represents growth. Growth in my character (hopefully) and growth in my emotions. I'm not angry. Sometimes yes I feel that inner rage but most of the time I have to just talk it through with someone. This summer my boss and two of my dearest friends have been on the receiving end of that rage. I've vented. I've cried. I've been frustrated. I've been scared. I've been even forcing my self to feel numb and dead inside.....(which isn't healthy, by the way, and I don't want to go back to that place before my healing...because that's how I felt all the time before it!) But there was something about this hike.....about this climb......this spot of green.....and I actually paused for a moment to give thanks for the people in my life this summer who listened to me vent. Those people? Real friends. (so, Rachelle, Anita, Lynn....if you're reading this? THANK YOU!!)
It's like God said " just let these people go. Yes, you will feel rage. It's ok. Feel it!! It's how you know you're alive. This tiny plant? it's alive. It's small. But your faith in Me? it's big. You've seen My Hand in so many areas of your life. Embrace it and walk on".
I mean...I can't make this stuff up!
I felt the love of my Creator that day. The love that showed up in a heart-shaped rock on a barren trail.....with a tiny plant growing nearby.......
and walk on, I will...................
5 comments:
Oh Faith, my dear friend, this is such a wonderful post. I know it has been a rough summer for you, and I empathize with you and what you are going through, on so many levels. God does show His love for us in so many simple ways, and usually when we need the reassurance most. I am really glad you are starting to find peace and healing. Thank you for sharing your journey. Virtual hugs.
Hi Deb! Hope you’re well out there in Utah! Yes I’m doing well. Once i read through the lawsuit i was filled with rage all over again but then i began to process it and with much regret but so needed i deleted those people who did wrong from my FB list and also released them like i wrote above. I feel better and my own triggers have stopped although my counselor says they will most likely crop up again. I’m surrounding my self with real friends and people i trust and can call etc of and when that happens. And Dave and i even had some conversation about the lawsuit and his feelings and that was good as he hasn’t been able to talk about it really. The girl involved knows she has our support. And i met with her mom which was also very helpful. She explained a lot of the lawsuit to me. It’s shocking this cover up that church leaders did!!
What a heartfelt post Faith. Your strength of character shines through in your writing. Thank you for sharing.
It’s gotta be a God thing Wendy because I’m really not a writer although i do enjoy it.
What a beautiful post, Faith! It just speaks so much of how much God knows what we are going thru and speaks to us in the midst of it if only we pause and notice. I know what a rough, emotional summer you've had. But God's care and the love of your pastor and friends surrounding you is beautiful to read about. May His peace continue to uphold you!
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