The Good-Bye

 She stood alone on the grey asphalt next to the sagging brick step and the dried brown grass.

Choking back tears as she bravely smiled and nodded....eyes filled while we backed up and out.

Spending an hour with my mother-in-law while her precious son, my husband, drove her  ailing husband, my father- in -law to a reunion.  Worry lined her forehead and made her voice crack.  Getting older is hard and losing the ability to do what used to be easy is harder. 

It is hard to see the ones we love lose their ability to walk independently.  It is hard to hear of the ills and the confusion and the sense of loss.  It is hard to see their grief and frustration. 

Dave's dad could only manage an hour or so with his former students, now older than he was when he taught them. Dave loaded up his walker, got him in the car, and spent the time on our last evening in Massachusetts helping his folks. 

I listened to his mom's worries, frustrations, and bitterness.  I listened to her goals and  wishes and dreams. 

After her husband was  safely back at home, we had to go.......and she clung.....she clung to her boy now a man and she gripped my hands thanking us for coming......and yet not wanting us to leave.......

.......out in the driveway where we gave one last hug, one last whispered plea to take care of herself while she cares for him.........I realized that the good bye might be the last time we see them together...or it might not be....we never know......

....yet in that good-bye there were years of memories running through my mind.....

.......of the 32 Thanksgivings we have spent with them........

...........of the 35 people that used to be gathered at the beach house...and then it trickled down to 28....and then 20....and last year just 16. 4 children.  2 daughters-in-law and 1 son-in-law. 7 grandchildren.......all 21 or older now........

........games played around the marble coffee table with ocean waves breaking and crashing below us........pies and cookies and coffee and clams and lobsters and steaks and corn on the cob......fires on the beach and in the fireplace.........

.......wet bathing suits and flip flops and sandy floors and drinks with ice cubes and kayaks and paddles all askew and the seagulls crying at days end and the darkness settling around us while books were read and children put to bed.....

............hands holding babies, then children learning to swim and sail.....hands helping to knit and teaching pie baking skills....hands playing piano and carving turkeys and hauling in fish.........

and as those memories flew through my mind and my hand clasped my husband's, his mother was clasping her own hands and her eyes were filling with tears because she's seeing her boy drive away a man.......

.....she stood there alone when it seems like just yesterday she had her man beside her......he waits inside for her to make her way up the steps......

......but she lingers.......

............and we wave goodbye.