The Crazy Way We Met

The way my husband (Dave) and I met, actually takes place in 3 parts. It was a God-thing and I cannot imagine my life without him. He is my partner for life and my friend for eternity. You might want to grab a cup of coffee....it's long...but....interesting, funny (I think) and hopefully encouraging to people who are still waiting for that special some one.

THE STORY OF DAVE AND FAITH

PART ONE
Background Info
Dave: a Boston (MA) area native, raised Unitarian, became born again Christian at age 17, getting BS/MS in Computer Science at RPI, Troy (NY), 20 yrs. old at this time in the story; single

Faith: a central NYS native, raised in the Free Methodist church, born again Christian since age 15; graduate of RWC (in Rochester) with Music Ed/Piano degree; grad student at U of Albany (NY), sharing a flat in Albany with 2 other grad students/working full time as research fellow/intern in prek Special Ed and finishing MS degree; coming out of bad relationship with unsaved boyfriend, 26 yrs. old at this time in the story; single and loving it!

Setting: a small, charismatic church in Troy, NY (Faith lives in Albany, pictured above, about 6 miles south)
Characters: Dave, Joe (his good friend), Faith, Chris (master teacher of internship program overseeing Faith's work/friend), various church members, (most of them married. with kids. lots of kids. techy-college geeks, couple of single women)
Time: Autumn 1986, 3 pm on a Sunday (the time the church service began)

Dave jumping up and down. Banging on a tambourine. Joe jumping over pews. Literally. Chris swaying to praise choruses. Faith gaping at these Christians singing, dancing, making music. Faith wondering why there is a little girl carrying a potty seat up the aisle. (I found out later this was the pastor's granddaughter). This is a whole other story!
Faith thinking: "great music." "weird church". "nice place to visit" "I won't be back". Faith noticing the 2 kinda good looking but geeky guys in the front. Faith thinking "why couldn't Chris have invited me to a "normal" church?" Faith listening to the sermon. Faith liking the pastor. Faith decides to give it another try. Faith being introduced to the other single women (there were like 2 others besides Chris), and being introduced to the 2 guys from the front.
Faith thinking "nice guys but....so not my style". These were my very first impressions upon meeting the guy named Dave who would, 4 years later, become my husband. The church would become my church for the next 18 years. I wouldn't be consistent with attendance though for another year, after earning my Masters degree and getting my NYS permanent certification in Special Ed/Educational Psychology. I was determined to get my career going and have fun being single, and growing deeper in my relationship with Christ after a time of being backslidden.

PART TWO
Setting: small apt in North Albany area
Characters: Faith (now a Master Teacher of Special Needs Prek inner city children and member of Victorious Life Christian Church (the one mentioned above), Kathy (a good friend/sister in Christ, also member of the church, also single), Dave (yeah, the geeky guy that I called Tambourine Man)
Time: mid-afternoon until night, Early Spring 1989

I was so lonely that spring.
What was wrong with me? I had a great teaching job. Took the job right after graduating with a MS degree in Summer of 1987. Had my own apt, own car (ok, a clunker, but hey..it was paid for!), my own brand new piano, a couple of good friends who were also single and my Christian walk was ok.
Why was I so lonely? I missed my best bud from undergrad days. I went to a small Christian Liberal Arts college where I had a best male friend. We would do so much together...devotions, club activities, dinners out, etc. We never dated nor did I want to date him. We were best friends and brother and sister in Christ. We knew so much about each other. He was engaged to a great girl. But....once he got married, things changed of course. And he moved out of state. I truly missed having a close friendship with a guy. AND...the church where I was a member (Chris had also moved away) was small with most people being married with children. There were not alot of singles and the married couples were nice but....not super friendly with the singles. Or maybe that was just my impression. Singles in their late 20's just didn't seem to connect at this church. And there weren't alot of people to begin with. It was small. I also wasn't into the bar scene as I was trying to live a Christian/holy lifestyle.
This Sunday afternoon (church was now in the morning hours) I was crying out to God and praying for a close male friend. I was specifically asking the Lord to bring me a friend. I had a couple of friends (Kathy) and Sue (she was married) at the church. BUT...I longed for a male friend. Guess what???
The phone rang about an hour after I prayed. It was Tambourine Man from church!
He wanted to know if I could help him with some music. I invited him over since Kathy was coming over later anyways...we were gonna have dessert and hang out. The three of us hung out after dinner, singing, talking, goofing around. Kathy had to leave around 9 pm I think it was. She worked full time for the state. I was also teaching full time of course. But...Dave and I just kept talking. And talking. He was very interesting and like a walking encyclopedia. He also had an extensive vocabulary. I practically needed a dictionary to understand him at times! And the trivia..I still cannot play Trivial Pursuit with the man and expect to win! We laughed and chatted and shared testimonies on my little front porch until 2 a.m. I knew I would be tired in the a.m. He drove back to his campus apt (he was finishing up his MS degree...he is 6 years younger than I am).
He said he fell in love with me that nite.
I just praised the Lord for an answer to prayer. I knew deep in my heart that Dave and I would become close friends.
And we did. We hung out all spring and early summer. During my 2 weeks off between the school year and summer school (my contract required me to teach a 6 week summer program) we did tons of stuff together. I think I only went home to my folks for a one day visit. Dave and I biked, hiked, wrote music, attended church functions, movies, etc. We were best friends. We talked on the phone for hours. He was at my apt all the time well past midnite. I was starting to think of him as more than a friend. Uh oh. I really didn't know how he felt about dating. Did I even really want to date him? Why couldn't my feelings just be those of a platonic friendship???

PART THREE

Setting: house in suburb, north of Albany.
Characters: Faith, Dave, Kathy, bunch of singles from all over, Mark & Co (the party hosts and a "couple")
Time: Early Summer, 1989

I'm at this party. With Kathy. Hoping to meet some cute guy. Keep in mind that Dave and I are just friends at this point. We had not been dating. Just hanging out. Mark and Co were having this party. I think they were married at this point or else engaged...I can't really remember. The party was lots of fun. Food, fellowship, a player piano that we all had a blast with. Tambourine Man and I talked but I ended up in the kitchen playing a card game with Kathy and 3 guys I didn't know. BUT...there was one guy who I liked the looks of. He was cute! And single! SO...of course, being a healthy, 29 year old, I flirted. And noticed Dave hanging out closer to me.
That is when it hit me.
He liked me. And didn't know what to do about it. He was watching me flirt with this other guy. So...of course I kept it up. I mean, I wanted Dave to work for me! I would have LOVED to be dating him but...he wasn't making any moves these last few weeks...so...once I realized that he really was interested in me, I started to play the "hard to get" thing. Until about an hour later when I realized that that is often how the world plays the dating game. And I wanted to be different from the world. So...I just stopped flirting with cute guy and paid attention to Dave a.k.a. Tambourine Man. Again, we ended up having a blast and staying out late. I think Kathy and I left about the same time Joe and Dave left (yes, they were still roommates). I had an impulse to ask him out. It was 1989. Not 1889. I figured, "why not?" but...I wanted to do it in a creative way.

So..I asked Kathy if she could wait (I rode to the party in her car). I asked Dave when his birthday was. He told me July 29. (it was late June at this point I think). I was still on vacation as summer school started after July 4.
The next day I made Dave a survey. I wrote down several questions. I asked him how old he was gonna be. (23). I asked him if he could choose from the following places to go to on his birthday, which would it be: a. a hike in the Catskills; b. a hike in the Adirondacks; c. Lunch at the Red Lion Inn in the Berkshires; d.dinner and a movie. I also asked him his favorite Bible verse and favorite candy. He chose letter c (lunch at the Red Lion Inn...great.....I would have to use my credit card!). He said his favorite Bible verse was Proverbs 17: 17, and his favorite candy was M&M's.

This is what I did: I took poster board and glued M&M's onto it spelling out Proverbs 17: 17 which states "...a friend loves at all times.", and I told him I would take him out to lunch on his birthday to the Red Lion Inn. So...we went.
It was our first date. He laughs because he went to pull out my chair for me (what a gentleman!) and I was so not used to a guy doing this for me, that I thought he was pulling it out for him self so walked around him to my own chair! (how embarrassing when he told me!). We had a ball. I was sticker-shocked when I saw the bill but....hey...isn't that what credit cards are for? Plus it was worth it! We walked around that quaint little town. We saw a perfect, blue-green dragonfly on this car fender...it was so graceful looking and such a perfect example of God's creation. Which is why dragonflies are my thing now (I collect dragonfly pins). We just laughed, talked, shared what God was teaching us, etc.

We were finally out on a date!
Now, Dave is not opposed to dating. He later told me that he was just super cautious with me. I had shared ALOT with him about my emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend so....he was just being cautious, not sure if I was wanting to date any one. I think he also didn't want our friendship to be ruined as it sometimes can be when 2 people start dating.

For the next month, we dated. Not alot changed really except now....hand holding, etc. We had our first real kiss the evening we got engaged. We were in my apt working on some music (we were both in the music ministry at church) and I told him I needed to talk to him. I told him I was starting to feel more serious about our relationship and that if he didn't feel the same way then I needed to stop spending as much time with him as I was because I didn't want to end up getting hurt. On our drive back home from lunch on our first date, Dave had told me how he went to one of our elders at church with questions about how does a guy know if a girl is "the one" or not for marriage. I assumed that Dave was talking about another woman he was interested in! So....
That is why I told him I had to stop seeing him if he wasn't serious about our relationship. At this point in my life (age 29) I wanted to be dating to become engaged. I really wanted to be married by age 30 or 31 but I did NOT want to be dating just to date. It was either friendship only, which meant we would have to have some boundaries in place OR it was serious dating. He answered by saying "well, I think we should be engaged!"
I just about died!! He then asked me if I would marry him. I was overjoyed. I simply couldn't believe it. And yet I had peace. Deep peace. Because I knew my "tambourine man" was the one the Lord had for me. He is not perfect. Nor am I. But....I am married for life to him and we are friends for eternity.
We officially became engaged in the autumn of 1989. He gave me a diamond ring that he inherited from his mom's aunt. This was also an answer to prayer....Dave was a poor grad student but the Lord blessed him with this ring. We give God all the glory for what He has done for us. And I thank God for answering my cry for a best male friend!

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