This is supposed to be a joyous weekend.
It is the weekend we, as Christians, celebrate the death and resurrection of our Savior and Redeemer!
But...this a.m. to be perfectly honest, my heart is saddened. And I need to vent.
I just found out in the last couple of days, that one of my former babysitters, a young girl who I don't believe is even 20 years old yet, has had another baby. Out of wedlock. She was raised in a Christian (born-again) home. She had a baby about 2-3 years ago as well. This is 2 babies in 2 years; she is a young girl who is unmarried. Another statistic.
WHY?
Is this girl (and there are many many others like her!) just not getting the message of "waiting until marriage?" (oh, and she attended a Christian school too, so please don't blame the public school system on this one :) )
Does she not know that if she is choosing to have sex before marriage that she should be taking/using birth control? What about STD's...does she not worry about this?
Many thoughts are jumbled in my mind.
I feel bad for her parents. I know them well. We are friends, although now that we are in different churches, we really don't communicate much any longer. But they are still dear to our hearts. We love them. We love their children.
and yet....I get a kind of anger (for lack of a better word) in my heart.
And what about this girl's parents?
Are they enabling her to choose this lifestyle by allowing her to remain in their home and helping her to raise babies? Are they making it easy for her?
I can understand the first time. A teen, hormones, choosing what "feels good", an "oops, I'm pregnant". But a second time????
What would I do if my daughters chose to walk away from all that we have taught them, to have babies out of wedlock? I like to say that if my daughters chose to make me a grandmother before they get married, then I would love and help them but I so would not raise them in my own house. I would make sure they were settled in an apt and working.
Do I sound "old-fashioned"?
No...I sound like a Christian mom who knows from experience that teens are gonna do what they want. It doesn't matter how much training we give them or how many sermons they listen to about sexual sins. Some teens are just gonna choose to live the way they want to.
It is usually because they have not made a solid commitment to Christ. Or maybe they are backslidden. Or maybe they just don't want to follow the teachings of their parents.
But..the reality is that there are teens out there who are choosing to have sex before marriage and are not using birth control and are bringing babies into the world at a very young age.
I am so glad she didn't choose abortion. But just because she didn't choose to have an abortion doesn't make this pregnancy and birth "okay". I don't think it is a time of celebration.
Babies are great. I love them.
But...Christian teens having them before marriage? nope. doesn't make me want to celebrate.
I use the term "christian" loosely here. I truly don't know if this girl has made a commitment to Christ or not. I do know she has been raised in a Bible-based church by Believing parents.
I asked my 15 year old how she felt about all of this.
We have talked for some time about this topic.
She knows that it is considered a sin before God's eyes to have sex before marriage.
She says she has taken a purity stand. That is great. My prayer for her every day is that she would remain true to that pledge.
She also knows that we are all human. That even Christians make mistakes and sin. We are tempted. We sometimes give in to temptation.
She also knows the various methods of birth control. I am glad I taught her this.
She also knows if she were to be a teen mom, her chances of going to college and getting a degree are very minimal. Because if she has a baby, she is a mother. And babies require LOTS of care and money.
She does not know any teens in our own church who are pregnant. She doesn't have any friends at school who are pregnant. I am thankful for that.
She doesn't really know what to think about our former babysitter other than she knows it is going to be really hard for the girl to get a good job. (yeah...Courtney at this point in her life is all about her "stuff": getting her HS diploma, getting into college, getting her degree, getting her own apt./career started, dating, clothes...a typical teen!)
Courtney is thinking about her future. That is her job right now besides attending her life:: group, school and homework, social life, chores, student leadership stuff, serving at church, serving at school.
My job is to make sure she knows that Jesus loves her. And to love her unconditionally the way God does.
And that He forgives.
If we ask Him.
And that she can run to the foot of the Cross, with her sins, whatever they may be, and place them there and He will forgive her.
And that is my prayer for all teens....that they would truly know that Jesus has Grace to extend. And peace. And forgiveness.
And we need to extend that too.
This is why we have the Cross.....to place our sins at Jesus' feet and allow Him to make us new.
7 comments:
Yes, Jesus does have grace to extend. A couple of weeks ago when Josh made another big mistake I was so upset and mad at him, I gave him a lecture on how poor his decision was and how the consequences were going to be really hard this time and that he would have to live with them for a long time, ten years to be exact....... I could tell he was shutting me out at one point, he was also very sorry for what he had done and was beating himself up enough with me having to add to it. I was sitting in court with him and I looked over at him, so young, so good looking, so much potential, what went wrong? I said I wish I could do more and afford a better attorney, he said I screwed up it is my own fault. At that moment I thought of the grace that God has extended to me through all of my mistakes and major screw ups and I said to him you are not the only one Josh, I was so far from perfect at your age, and I still mess up, it is only by the grace of God that I am where I am. And I thought it is God's kindness that leads us to repentance, yes he needed to know that this would not be tolerated again, and how huge it was, but he needed me to extend grace to him and unconditional love just as God has done for me. God sees through my sin and faults and still loves me, shouldn't my heart be the same towards my own son. My prayer for him is that God would lead him towards righteousness and light! And yes, I have hope and this day before Easter I am truly thankful for the cross!
Erin: thanks for sharing this! I could not do "life" with out the Cross and the grace and hope of God. Love ya like a sis!!
Some very hard questions, Faith, for sure. I in my own mind have asked "what if". I think any parent of girls nowadays does ask these questions. I do know kids nowadays have so much pressure to cave in. Way more it seems than I ever had at that age. Even the most well brought up, most immersed in the Christian "culture". It is a full out attack of satan against the youth of our day. And I think the church needs to see it that way. In general, I don't think the church covers our young people enough in prayer and deep intercession on a real consistent basis. We offer up prayers as we remember but we haven't as a church committed to keep the youth "barricaded" with true intercession. We've sorta, again I'm speaking of the church in general, let the battle become the youths, we've abdicated the front lines and stepped back and we've left them floundering trying to fight. Yes, we tell them what the bible says and what to do and what not to do, but I think intercession is where we've been lax. I'm not sure if I'm making sense, I hope I'm getting my thoughts out coherently. If not, let me know and I'll try to rewrite the comment.
But all that to say, Thank God for the cross and the forgiveness that Christ extends towards us. I don't know how to live without it. I made soooo many mistakes during my youth. I didn't know Christ until I was 19 and even now that I'm in my forties I still blow it and deal with strongholds in my life.
As a public school high school teacher I do see a lot these days. And I do think there are no easy answers as to why this happens to good, christian teens. But it does, time and time again. But after it happens it is so good to remind them of God's amazing grace to them.
Great thoughts Faith.
Happy Easter to all of you!
~Sandy
Hi Susanne: I am so with you on the intercession thing and the church with teens. It is lacking I am sure in many many churches as a whole. Your comment made perfect sense. Thanks for taking the time to comment here on this! and praise God for the Love and forgiveness that His Son extends!!
HI Sandy: yes, I'll bet you see alot more at the high school level than I see at the kindergarten level. It grieves my heart that this sexual sin is in the church (as a whole) but it is. It is reality. Like Susanne said, we need to be praying for these teens and really interceding that Satan would not have a stronghold over them!
I pray so often for my own daughters...for them to remain pure until marriage. With three girls, that's a whole lotta praying!
I will certainly be praying for this young girl and her family.
May God give our children wisdom as they make choices on their own and may He give us wisdom as we lead and guide them.
Blessings, Faith!
Wow. Thank you for your reflections on this issue. It makes me sad too, and I don't even know this young girl.
In light of this, may I ask you -- have you done any of the mother/daughter studies on purity? I did the "Princess and the Kiss" one with C. when she was younger -- before "the talk"- but would love to do another one now that she is older. Do you have one you can recommend?
As always, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I so enjoy reading what you have to say; God has gifted you!
Blessings,
Candace
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