"Even when the rainbow seems to pass right by me....I'm still finding Gold in the clouds....."

31 May 2009

The Right Person

"Being the Right Person"

Over at Christine's (Fruit in Season) who is hosting this month's Marriage Monday, I saw this quote:
"Success in marriage isn't finding the right person;
it's being the right person"

I don't know who said this, but that is one great quote! AND it's the topic for this month!

SO....am I being the right person for my husband Dave?

On June 30th, we will celebrate 19 years as a married couple!

And I can tell you that I have not always been the "right person" for him. In fact, he hasn't always been the right person for me! (gasp...what?? I thought that God brought us together??!) Well, He did....but....marriage is WORK.

And....sometimes we are not always "the right person" in our attitudes, behaviors or language.
Let's be honest.
If you are reading this and are a Believer then please admit that you have not always been the right person....because....we all SIN! We are not perfect people!

BUT...we can learn from our mistakes. Here is what I have learned about how and why I am the right person for Dave (and am still striving to be that person as many days I fail!)

I am being the right person for Dave by:

These are the daily things that keep a couple/family "running".
  • Practical: I am the organizer, bill payer and calendar/social manager. Dave needs me to do this because his job is more hours than mine and because it is an area of giftedness for me: the area of administrative stuff and organization...I am a teacher and have that teacher personality....therefore what I am like in a classroom, I am like at home. This in turn, makes Dave a better person because he has me overseeing the details that he doesn't like to manage. It works for us.
  • Parenting: let's face it. As much as we modern women want to believe that our man is highly involved in parenting, the bulk of this still falls on our shoulders. I don't mind at all since I only work part time. I also stayed home for 6 full years so....We share the duties of parenthood but the bulk of the everyday essentials falls on me....this helps Dave do his career and ministry....I am the type of woman who can do both jobs: teach outside the home and manage the children....because of Dave's highly demanding job, I am the one who keeps things running smoothly at home. Some women can do this, others can't. I think God knew that Dave would need a woman who can manage to do both. At least that is what I tend to believe! And I actually thrive on it! I am fairly ambitious and I think what has helped is that I did my career thing before having children, so that now, I can enjoy working part time and spending time with my precious ones.....not all men like this. It works for Dave and I and we have always been in agreement about it. That is a huge blessing.
  • Passions: we have several things we are passionate about. Dave and I share many of them. I sometimes "go with the flow" easier than other times but....life with Dave has always been full of changes....I used to hate change. I have learned to just go with it...although I might argue about something or not give it my full attention right away, I do tend to "come around" if it doesn't conflict with anything spiritually......so...this is not always me being a perfect person for Dave, but I believe that I am the right person who can handle all the changes.
  • Managing Ministries: I don't have this one mastered yet! For those of you who have had any experience being married to, or have been a part of, a youth group leader, then you will know what I mean. Youth Ministry takes a chunk of time away from the leader's/volunteer's family. It does. Our pastor has even preached about it and warned about putting it before family. Some times I feel resentment cropping up. And then I remember the giftings that God has given my husband in dealing with young teens and my heart swells with pride....so...by managing things for him in the home environment, I am freeing him up to manage his ministry. He does do this for me too when needed......but the ministries I am currently involved in take place over smaller chunks of time.....or take place during the work day on my "out of the classroom" hours.
By being married to Dave for as long as I have been, I have learned what fills his "love tank" (if you have never read it, I highly encourage you to read The Love Languages by Gary Chapman). Dave needs someone who can speak his love language. Now, I am not perfect at this, trust me! Several days might go by and I forget to pump him up with "words of affirmation". BUT.....I am being the right person for him when I do. He needs this. I won't go into why this is so important to him or our marriage...but....from experience I know that this is what he needs.

Eternal Essentials
Being married to Dave has helped both of us spiritually. We do all the things that Christian couples do: pray, attend church, small groups, fellowship with other Believers, give and serve. We both give and receive on a spiritual level.
By drawing closer to God together, we are growing in our character. Together.
It is also easy for me, as a person, to forgive. I am the right person for Dave because this is an area that he tends to struggle with. I forgive quickly. I have learned that it is just much more "free-ing" to forgive.
Also, on an eternal level: choosing to love is like choosing to follow Christ. The more we draw close as a couple (spiritually/emotionally) the more we model a Christ-like marriage to our children. And that models how God the Father loves us! I like this quote from Gary Thomas in Sacred Marriage:

"The beauty of Christianity is in learning to love, and few life situations test that so radically as does a marriage."

And in Matthew 22: 34-40 we read of what Jesus said were the two Greatest Commandments:
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.....and...Love your neighbor as your self"

If we do that: if we love our God with all our being, then it is easy to love our neighbor. Our spouse is our neighbor. We are commanded, as Believers, to follow this. I think of Dave as my neighbor when the going gets tough in our marriage....all marriages have their tough times...if we can remember that our spouse is our neighbor, it is easy to love him...and it gets easier the more we love God.
God becomes real to us in a marriage.
And in that, we are being right for each other!


Christine said...

This is a wonderful post!! Love the quote from Gary Thomas' book- that was a marriage-changing book for me too.

You are so right that we can't be the "right person" in a perfectionistic way, but I can always strive to be the best I can be for my hubby!

Erin said...

Faith, this was an excellent post. By the way did you guys find the screw to the lawn mower :0). I found a tiny dead baby bird that my cat had killed, poor little thing it was so cute.

Denise said...

Fantastic post.

MiPa said...

Beautiful post of how we grow into understanding what the "right person" is for our spouse. Bless you for sharing.

tonya said...

What a wonderful post!