In Expectation

What is it about mornings and the cries of a baby.........

............or the squawk of a bluejay, the warbling of a cardinal, the knock of a woodpecker, all vying for a spot at the feeder...........

all lifting up voices.....

What is it about mornings that make me lift my eyes to the hills and know my Help comes from there and only there.........

Our voices set the tone in our homes.  I tell my small group of moms this often in our discussion studies.

As moms, we set the tone in the home.  

It's the same with my job as a special education aide.  As a teacher, I could run the classroom the way I wanted, liked, needed.  But in this job, as an aide to the teacher, I really only set the tone for the group of students I am working closely with....those special 1st graders who need help and guidance, and comfort and hugs, and reassurance that they are safe and can learn.  

Their self esteem is so low.  One of them is so angry.  Deep rooted anger.

I need to make my tone light and easy for him.  I now know what sets him off.  My tone might make or break his morning.  He looks to me for help as I look to Him for Help.

I wait in expectation for progress to be made and I know by the end of next month, this little angry boy with the mixed up emotions will be more confident in who I am, in who his teachers and friends are, and in being able to better express his negative emotions in appropriate ways.

He will be more confident in himself.  I hope.  That is our goal as teachers for him.  

But...he has to do some work, too.

He will need to verbalize to us, his wants, needs, fears, and anger.  He will need to use his voice.

Children who are emotionally disturbed often don't feel safe.

They feel abandoned.  

I can't go into why he is this way because of confidentiality laws.  Nor would I want to share this part of him. But I can share my own thoughts regarding this work......

I care for this student so much. My heart breaks when I see his confusion and perceptions.

For example:  he often perceives that his classmates are laughing AT him, when in fact, they are encouraging him and wanting him to smile.  He often cries when given a compliment.  I am trying to teach him how to respond appropriately in these situations. I model with my  own words so he can repeat back.

My words do set the tone for the the morning.

And in taking on this student this year, I began to realize that my own words lifted up to my Savior in the morning, are going to be so important.  I will need patience that only God can give me.

I will need strength, emotionally and physically, to deal with this hurting child.  By the end of the day, at 3 pm, I am drained.  I haven't worked with children who have emotional issues since the mid 1990s.  It's draining.  Yet I know this is where I am to be this year. And I do love it.  I love the challenge of trying to help one more child feel loved, secure, safe.

I love giving him the tools he needs to be successful in the school setting....and in life.

I can't do this without clear expectations for him.........for me.......from God.

So....if you are facing any kind of struggle, or issue, or trying to help someone in a struggle or in an emotional issue that often has negative emotions at the forefront, lift your voice to the One with the Voice who comforts.  The One who guides us, and teaches us so we can guide and teach.

It is with Expectation that I lift my voice each morning.

I know I have a Redeemer who comforts, and guides. and loves.

I purpose to direct my thoughts and plans to Him...the One who can bear it all.

I lift my eyes upwards..........in expectation.

"My voice you shall hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning I will direct it to You, and I will look up."
~Psalm 5:3~