2024 Book Review #29: dear sister

 

One of my 2024 goals was to read at least 4 non-fiction/memoir books.  This fits that goal. That goal was completed in May but now when I see a memoir or non-fiction I want to read, I take it from the town library and read it.  I used to avoid most non-fiction but some memoirs really picque my interest and this one definitely did mainly because I remember hearing about this young woman and it's set just to the south of Albany in the Catskills. What also attracted me to these girls and their story is that our youngest daughter worked in social work for a while with domestic violence survivors (after a year she felt like this was NOT her calling and so didn't begin a MSW degree, opting with her Sociology degree to work with people by becoming an optometric tech working towards her NYS license to be an optician which she is loving!). I've also dealt with domestic violence survivors due to having prek students in my special education class who were being raised in that environment and also by working with clients at a crisis center for 5 years. It's a job that really pulls at your heartstrings. 

BOOK SUMMARY

It is September 2017. Michelle Horton, a recently divorced mother of a little boy named Noah, hears a knock on her apartment door in the city of Poughkeepsie. She opens the door to learn that her sister, Nikki Addimondo, has shot her partner and is now in the Dutchess County jail. Michelle now has to raise Nikki's two young children, Ben, age 4 and Faye age 2 along with her own son, if she doesn't want them going to foster care. 

Michelle is determined to reunite Nikki with her children and so she launches a fight to bring her sister home. She has to face a criminal justice system that seemingly is designed, here in New York State, to punish the entire family. 

During the investigation that follows, Michelle is shocked to find out that Nikki has been hiding abuse for years.  It is the most horrific abuse that many domestic violence experts have said is some of the worse they've ever seen. Michelle cannot believe she didn't know or see the signs of it. She retraces their childhood, looking for clues to explain how so many people...their own parents even, could have been blind to her sister's most dangerous situation. She discovers that Nikki's abuse began with a neighbor man at a sleepover. And it just escalates once she is a teen and young adult.  

What happens with Nikki? How does the New York justice system not believe her??  WHY don't they believe her?  

Read this very intimate look at domestic violence and the trauma that it entails.  

MY THOUGHTS

This book only confirmed so much of what I already knew, based on my teaching experience and crisis pregnancy counseling experience regarding domestic violence survivors and the women who end up killing their partners/spouses. 

This is a book about family perseverance and resilience.  It is about love. It's about the unbreakable bong of family and sisterhood. 

It's about truth and the bravery of many people and supporters of Nikki to make sure the truth comes out. 

It's like reading about a journey through hell and the fact that so often the justice system just does not understand the implications of domestic violence and the victims. 

I love that Michelle's community rallied around Nikki and raised funds, showed support both physically and emotionally.  It's a tough read because this really happened. I remember when it was on the Albany news.  I didn't know the ending so that was good to read. 

I do know that our former governor, Andrew Cuomo, passed a law in 2019 called the Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act.  You can read about that here. I was thrilled when this act passed!

I also can see why our youngest daughter, Claire, no longer wanted to be a social worker after just 1 year in the domestic violence field. There are barely enough resources to help these women.  It 's a high burn out rate for social workers and to make any kind of money, you need advanced degrees and certifications. Yet we care......we care and we pray that justice will one day truly be served. And we are thankful for the people who are social workers and therapists who work with these precious survivors.

There were many good quotes from this book. Here are two of my faves: 

 

This first one was about how Nikki's mom, when Nikki tried to tell her about being sexually abused at age 5 at a sleepover across the street, told her the fable of the boy who cried wolf.  Here's the part that struck me: (Michelle's words)

"It was easy to heap all the blame onto my mom.  Seh was retelling one of our culture's most popular teaching stories, likely parroting bakc the lines that had been fed to her.  But what if we have all gotten the story wrong-----Maybe the little boy wasn't lying---maybe he saw the wolves, but they were wearing sheep's clothing. Maybe the little boy got the whole flock killed because he'd learned that it's not safe to speak out, and so he never asked for help.  Maybe, just maybe, it was never a child's job to be responsible to watch for  grown, dangerous wolves." (pg 250 dear sister by Michelle Horton c. 2024) 

This is Nikki talking to her son Ben after her sentencing when he was visiting her in prison and there was a mean female guard. 

"Because you know what? The people who put others down and act mean---those are the people who are hurting the most.  Something must have happened in her life to make her treat people like that."  (pg 319)

This book is hard to read in spots. I loved the photos in the book of the various family members and supporters.

The hard parts were descriptions of the physical, emotional and sexual abuse that Nikki suffered at the hands of her children's father. 

She's a survivor. May we all learn from her and her story. 

Nikki was finally released, after her sentence was reduced per the DVSJA on January 4th, 2024. 

In my opinion, this book is appropriate for ages 17 and older (due to mature subject content). 

On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest, I rate this a 9.