Well, it's Monday and I have been thinking about the topic for today for the last couple of days. I even dug into the Word to find some Scriptures I wanted to share, before leaving for work this a.m.! It is about 1 in the afternoon and I've been home for an hour, meditating on what I would want to tell my daughter about marriage. The title of the topic said 3 things. Well, there are waaaaayyyyy more than just 3 things I would want to share with her but I decided to do the "top 3" that I have learned are extremely important. At least in my opinion!
My daughters are still so young. They aren't even close to dating much less engagement/marriage! They are 14 and 9. But...believe it or not, when they were born, I was prompted to pray for their future spouse. Now, I don't pray every day for this but I often will ask the Lord to bring their future spouse, if they have one, to a committed relationship with Jesus and to hide the Word in his heart. So...I will begin there. (and although I have 2 daughters, I also have many "adopted" daughters a.k.a. my girls' best friends and nieces...so..this advice would be for them too...if they should ever want it!)

• Christ: Each of my girls would need a covenant relationship with Christ and I would pray they would choose marriage partners who are also in a relationship with Christ. I like this verse: "....and a threefold cord is not quickly broken." (Eccel. 4: 12b) Christ should be the head of their household for a truly successful marriage. It is from Christ that husbands learn the true meaning of submission and thus, the wife learns the true meaning of submission! I wasn't taught the true meaning so struggled with this and I would not want my daughters to struggle with it. When the husband takes on the leadership role, spiritually, it makes it alot easier for the wife to submit when needed. I also want my daughters to know that first, she and her husband (assuming they both marry Christians, which we are training/teaching/advising them to do based on the verses about not being unequally yoked) need to remember that they are brother and sister in the Lord! Then, they are lovers/partners/servants. When I remember that about my own husband, it really does make it easier to love him in the rough times! (I am sure you've heard that sometimes we Christians treat other people/friends better than we treat our own family members). When a wife thinks of her husband as her brother in Christ, it often does make it easier for that unconditional love to rise up. I can then overlook the messy closet, the middle age spread (yes, girls, in our 40's we need to really adopt a fitness routine, even us skinny ones!), the credit card bill for yet another computer game, all those little hassles that do crop up in our daily lives!
  
• Commitment: I am teaching them that marriage is for life. (unless adultery or abuse hinders the marriage and the conflict cannot be resolved with professional counseling). But again, if both people are committed to Christ, the chances of those types of sin are minimal. Will we sin? Yes. There are no perfect Christians and certainly no perfect mate! We all sin. This is why we need Jesus! Will there be temptations to face either within our selves or our spouses? Absolutely. We all face temptations from time to time. My daughters may not be tempted to have an affair and commit adultery nor may their spouse. But there are other temptations that if given in to, can harm a marriage. So, again, commitment to each other and to Christ. Part of this commitment includes praying together, attending and serving in a local church (preferably together; in my opinion that is the best for married couples), and parenting together. This leads me to teach them that if they have children, in our culture, most of that work falls on the wife. However, my daughters have seen their daddy come right alongside me and help take turns changing diapers, washing dishes, doing laundry, etc. I would advise them to find a spouse who is capable of running the household. Will their styles be different? Oh, yeah! (my husband was better at putting on the organic cotton cloth diapers I used for my girls but I was better at remembering to set the pail out for the deliveryman to take!) I desire my daughters to be committed to their homes/children/church/spouse but I will also encourage them to let their husbands help with the daily tasks of life. I would want to tell them to stay commited to the local church that God wants them serving in. And to find an older (meaning married longer) couple to act as 'mentors'. Now, my husband and I did not have this in the church where we were as newlyweds. In fact, there were no couples over the age of 45 other than our pastor. The church where we are now has several marriage classes, small groups for married couples and older couples (in their 50's and 60's) who help to lead the classes. We have found mentors! And it is so awesome to have someone older to speak with about certain topics when needed. I would also encourage my daughters to commit to having their own friends. We should not always depend on our spouse to provide us with our leisure activities. I believe it is healthy for couples to continue dating as married people but I also believe in having a "girls nite out" and a "boys nite out". We need to cultivate our friendships and this includes our "couples friends" as well as our friends we had before marriage. At our church, we have once a month couples nites for fellowship but I also get together with my girlfriends for shopping, coffee, gabbing, etc. Commit to each other but commit to cultivate relationships with friends/neighbors/colleauges/church members because often we will need them to help us "do life".
  
• Communication: I think this is probably one of the most important areas for married couples. Communication tends to break down at times. Women need relationships and coversations! It is how we are wired! Men tend to use up their words while on the job all day. If a woman is choosing to stay at home while the children are little or even until they leave for college, she is often craving small talk with an adult. This topic has been talked about (no pun intended!) ad nauseum in various Bible studies, small groups, marraige seminars, etc. But...I believe it is brought up so much, because this is an area where many couples falter or fail. I struggle with this in my own marriage from time to time. Effective communication with a spouse involves talking about the 'basics' of your marriage before you are even married! My husband and I discussed at length, during our engagement, the following topics: birth control, number of children, careers, who is going to stay home while there is an infant in the house, will the wife or husband work at all, budget planning, savings, ministry/serving in the church, household tasks, parenting styles and discipline techniques, appropriate punishments for children. All of those kinds of topics would be something I would want my daughters to talk about with their fiance BEFORE walking down that aisle! I would also encourage them to know the love language of their partner. (based on The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman). I have found that it is very helpful to keep my husband's love language met on the level he needs. With effective communication in place, the romance/sex/tenderness, etc. seems effortless. It also helps with the daily living tasks, with raising the children, with future goals and the vision for the family as a whole.

In summary: Christ, commitment and communication are 3 key elements to a successful marriage. I would also include some Scriptures in my talk with my daughters. There are so many good ones about love, marriage, submission, family, but the following ones are ones I would especially stress:

1. Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 (value of a friend)
2. James 1: 2-5 (trials, patience)
3. Proverbs 14: 29 and Proverbs 15: 1 (be slow to anger, soft answer)
4. I Peter 3 (yes, the entire chapter!)
5. I Peter 4: 10 (using your gifts)
6. I Peter 5: 5b
7. Colossians 3: 23 (do things as for God)...this one is great when doing diaper duty!
8. Galatians 5: 22 & 23a (fruits of the Spirit)

Books I would recommend for my daughters:

• A Home Full of Grace by John and Susan Yates
• The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (and the one for children)
• Any of the Marriage Builder Series
  
• Proverbs 31