Thoughts on Worship

I wanted to hike today. Or kayak. But....we're supposed to have severe thunderstorms later this afternoon. and.....it's not safe to hike or kayak in storms so.....

Wind is already whipping around. Skies are overcast this a.m.
Kind of like my mood.

I'm wondering how my worship time will be in church tomorrow.
Sometimes when I am in the midst of an inner struggle, the Lord totally fills me up during praise and worship. And the struggles just fade away.
Other times I feel frozen. Like, I participate but with no real feeling. It is just an act that I force my self to do.
And some times I lock the feelings away and put on a false front of "everything is just so great"....but....that is the worse for me....because then I am not being my true self.

I did that alot in our former church. Praise and worship was tough there....many distractions in the sanctuary and much was out of order. And I often felt like I couldn't be my self. I love to worship with music. It is tough when there are so many distractions like children running around, parents trying to manage little ones, teens whispering and fooling around. People not putting their whole heart into praise and worship. But.....now...

Now we are in a church where praise and worship is taken very seriously. People are worshipping! It thrills me to look around the sanctuary and see 500 people lifting their voices to the Lord...there is such unity there when doing that. There is order. There is respect for the house of God and the pastor. And.....

I am free to be my self.
If I want to just sit, I can and no one judges it.
If I want to shout out praises, I can. No one stares.
My husband and I were the most impressed with the conduct of the people in the sanctuary when we first visited. Friendly, caring, genuine people made us feel so welcome. And they were freely worshiping. Some with lifted hands. Some kneeling down. Some with clapping. Some with sitting and singing.
I try to do the same now...when I notice someone who might be new, I try to welcome them into our body. I like it that people are free to worship in their way. I like that our worship leader tells us we can and encourages us to fully participate.

When we worship, we take our eyes off of our selves and our surroundings/struggles/"storms" and put our eyes on Jesus.
And isn't that the point of worship?
Reaching up, in worship, lifts our souls, and helps to make our load lighter.
We just need to do it
.
And be real with Him about our feelings.
And sometimes that is the hard part of worship.