Passionate about Purity

The topic for this month's "Marriage Monday" is Girl Talk: talking with your daughter about love and marriage.
I have 2 daughters, Courtney (just 16) and Claire (10 1/2). They are 2 of the best gifts God has ever given me.....I treasure them. And part of treasuring them entails teaching them about something I am very passionate about: purity.

I have recently begun to share with my oldest, some of my journey through my teen years and early twenties. I specifically have shared with her an area of my life from when I walked away from God to do my own thing. That thing was to ignore my parents' teachings, my church's doctrine and my own knowledge of the Scriptures/my relationship with Christ, and decide to live with a boyfriend after college. I made a huge mistake! I recently talked with Courtney about this because for her 16th birthday in July, she wanted a Purity ring. Dave (my husband) and I were so thrilled that she wanted to take a stand for sexual abstinence. We have the added pleasure of having an abstinence curriculum in our local public school and although we know the teacher did not present the material from a Biblical approach, she did learn good facts about the topic. We, of course, added our own beliefs and teachings from the Bible to her overall health curriculum.

So this summer, before her birthday, she and I talked about the importance of waiting for marriage to have sexual intercourse and WHY that is important. We discussed that in God's eyes, it IS a sin. There is no getting around it. If we call ourselves Christ-followers we need to be "practicing what we are preaching". And in the area of sex, this means doing what God commands and saving it for marriage. We talked about how so many people think that once they are engaged that it is ok to go ahead and "test the waters" with the physical union. I pointed out to her that it is still sin. And I shared with her my story. I lived with someone who was not my husband and committed sexual sin. And in that, I grew further and further from God to where He was no longer a part of my life. And there were bad consequences from that decision.

I also shared with her how what I thought was "true love" was so NOT true love. But I was so ignorant as my own mother just never really shared things regarding sex, boyfriends, waiting, lust, etc. I vowed that I would not be the kind of mother where my daughters would learn these things "on the street", from peers, from school or from their own experiences. I desire to be the type of mom whom my daughters can come to for any thing. Any question, any concern, any doubts and any dreams, hopes and visions for their future.

I shared with her just how much division is caused in our souls when we choose to ignore God's commands and do things our own way. I told her how sexual intercourse causes a "soul tie" and that it is very hard to break (spiritually speaking) if the person is not the spouse. I told her how it took me years to feel forgiven by the Lord after I repented of sexual sin and turned my life around. I explained that we can have the head knowledge of forgiveness but that the "feeling" of it sometimes takes a long time to get into our heart.(depending on the person and the situations). I shared with her how what I thought was love was not love and WHY. We have recently begun to chat about what real love is vs. lust. I am sure as she gets a bit older and heads off to college that this will be discussed in more detail. She really isn't ready developmentally for much more than what we have already talked about these last couple of months.

And of course I stressed the importance of waiting for marriage and how it is a beautiful thing when it is God-ordained. I told her that to the unsaved, it is not a sin. They are not Christians. Unbelievers do not view sex outside of marriage as a sin. Of course they don't! They are not Christ-followers. And that we cannot judge those who engage in this, but rather, we can be examples and if given the opportunities, we can maybe share with them why we wait. I also explained to her that even as Christians, the pull of sexual temptation is very strong. And that we cannot judge those Christians we know who do fall in this area. We need to keep a guard on our own lives and pray for the friends we know who are choosing to live this way. We have talked about what is love and how sex is not love. She gets that. I may talk with her more on that at a later date.
I tried to keep it simple for her. She is only 16. She is not dating yet. She doesn't really seem to have the desire to. She does many group things with the guys and girls from her youth group and my husband and I think this is so awesome and a great balance. She is a high-achiever type of student, taking Honors courses and college credit classes as well as being a student leader at church and involved in Orchestra, and 2 clubs at school, one of which is a Christian club in which she is an officer. Her life is full.

So......it has been an interesting summer. Because as I have shared with her about some of my own past and the hurts that resulted from it, I realized that there are still wounds from that time that the Lord is healing. And it has been about 25 years since I was backslidden in that area! But, He pursues us and wants us to be completely whole!

I told her God loves us unconditionally. I told her what that means. I told her NO ONE on this earth will ever love her like that....not me, not her daddy, not her friends, or youth pastor, or sister, or future boyfriends or future husband. NO ONE! Only Jesus is the real lover of her soul and the Person who will love her unconditionally, with no expectations or preconceived ideas. He accepts us for who He created us to be, for who we are. And THAT is real love.

So...will she remain pure? I hope so. I pray so. She has the desire to and she has accepted Christ as her Savior. She knows her parents expect her to. She also knows that if she falls in that area, that there is forgiveness. She has a firm opinion of what she desires.....she is passionate about purity about as much as I am. And that is a good thing! I can only teach her what I know and some of what I have experienced, in God's timing. And I need to just trust my Father that He has her in the palm of His Hand and that she will make wiser choices that I did.

We bought a wonderful story which is actually a parable about purity.
The title is "Apples of Gold: A Parable of Purity" by Lisa Samson. I HIGHLY recommend this. I am actually re-reading it today once I post this....I have only skimmed thru it. Courtney said she really liked this book and that it gives a great depiction of the gift God has given us and for us if we only just wait!

So....although my daughters are not quite ready for the marriage talk (I believe that when they begin to seriously date, that will be the time for us to have more serious discussion about how we know who is "mr right", etc.), that they are ready ( Claire not so much....we're in the beginning stages of physical changes and that whole discussion!) for the purity talk.

The ring pictured above is the exact one we bought for her 16th birthday. It is sterling silver with 3 hearts intertwined. The first heart stands for the love she has for her self in honoring her purity; the 2nd one is for love for future spouse; 3rd is love for Father God. The name of the ring is "Joined by Love" and the idea came from the Scripture Matthew 19: 6 which states:

"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

I challenge you to be passionate about purity for your own children. And although I am highly neglectful in the area of praying about their purity, I am taking a new approach and that is, while I pray for their future, I am also going to pray that they remain passionate about purity as they prepare to leave home.....and I expect my God to do great things in this area!


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