What is the definition of "friendship?"
Is it different from the definition of "acquaintance"?
what about the definition of "brother/sister in the Lord"? IS there a difference, in your opinion??
There is a difference according to the Webster Dictionary and Wikipedia. Here is the definition of "friendship" I found at the Wikipedia site:
"Friendship is the cooperative and supportive relationship between people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection, and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as the exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for some, the practical execution of friendship is little more than the trust that someone will not harm them.
Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:
- the tendency to desire what is best for the other
- sympathy and empathy
- honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
- mutual understanding
In a comparison of personal relationships, friendship is considered to be closer than association, although there is a range of degrees of intimacy in both friendships and associations."
Now....what is the definition of "acquaintance"?
This definition is from the American Heritage Dictionary
"Knowledge of a person acquired by a relationship less intimate than friendship."
And...my definition of a brother and/or sister in Christ is simply: if we are born-again Believers, saved by the blood of Jesus and "adopted" into the family of God, then other born-again Believers are our "brothers and sisters". It does not mean we are necessarily friends. Although that connection certainly makes it easier to get to know other Believers...the unity we have in Christ.
As I have become older in the Lord and in physical years, I have found my self surrounded by wonderful Christian brothers and sisters. Some of them.....not a lot, but maybe 20-25 ( I am roughly "guess-timating"!) are currently my friends.
Out of that grouping of friends, I have about 4 close, or "best" friends. Also, I count my husband as one of my "best friends" as we were friends long before becoming engaged and we continue to be best friends. By close friends, I mean the kind of friends to whom I can share just about anything and they with me. (and I am excluding former close friends from high school, college and grad school other than 2 whom I have stayed connected with).
Obviously, we need discernment about which friends to share which intimate details with. For example, if Dave and I are having some kind of marital issue, it is not appropriate, nor fair to him, to discuss the nitty-gritty details with my friends UNLESS Dave has given me the ok or I am needing some help from a friend with wisdom in marital issues.
For me, most of my small group of close friends, are women with whom I have had an establised relationship with over a period of 4 or more years. There is one person, however, whom the Lord brought into my life last spring whom I do count as a close friend.......it was most unusual and I won't go into it now but...I will be touching on some of that....(the way God works supernaturally for specific purposes and allowed emotional intimacy) at a later post.
Most of my relationships, in and out of the church body (remember, for this friendship series, the word "church" that I refer to will mean the church at large. Specifically, the body of Believers in the world.) are acquaintances. I have many, many acquaintances. Most of my "friend list" on the ever popular social networking site, Facebook, are people whom I am NOT close with, but rather, I like them and we are more acquaintances than friends. This includes people in my own local church who are on my list. Again, from that list, I really only have 3 close, trusted friends. I don't count my sisters in this grouping, although my sisters (my biological sisters....2 are on FB, 1 is not)are indeed close to me in many ways and we would probably say we are "friends".
As I begin to post more about friendships and the importance of them in our lives, I am hoping you will share with me your thoughts on the subject.
Do you have more friends or acquaintances? I definitely have more acquaintances. I think most women do but I would love to hear your answers.....
Coming next: what about the Trust Issue????
10 comments:
I am not sure if it is necessary to define relationships; I think it may set you up for disappointment. Sometimes it's better to just thank God for the people He has placed in your life. "friends" may let us down, and then we find the "acquaintances" to be there for us. Bless you.
C.
I wish I knew which "C" this was...but...yes that is so true!! some times friends do let us down but it is how we respond to that, as Believers, I think, that is important. I love all my friends and acquaintances but find that my friends really do have a special place in my heart as we tend to bond more and share the deep things of the Lord more. My acquaintances are great people but we don't have intimate connection where I would feel free to call them up and ask for prayer or help with my children, etc. But I definitely agree that is is very important to thank God for the people He does place in our lives! Thanks for sharing!!
Friendships are ones to whom I can turn to in good and bad and with whom I have formed a special bond. Aquaintances, I have many, true friends very few. True friends I spend regular consistent time with in some way whereas aquaintences I don't. That is not to say that an aquaintence cannot become my friend as we find that we may have things in common.
I am thankful for both friends and aquaintences that God sends into my life.
Oh and I forgot to say that with friends I can let my hair down and truly be myself whereas with aquaintences because I don't know them as well, I tend to more watch my words and actions/reactions. Not that I'm not being myself but just to a different level than with friends. :v)
Susanne! YES....well worded! that is EXACTLY how i feel too!! I love how God places friends in our lives with whom we can "let our hair down". Like I wrote last summer...God definitely supplied me with someone like that and of course my friend E is like that too although we don't get to see each other that often since we now go to different churches...but..I know exactly what you mean!! I think it IS good to define our relationships because it helps us keep things in perspective and relationships are such a huge part of our lives...all throughout our lives...I'm trying to teach my daughters that acquaintances sometimes come and go but true friends stay bonded even if separated by miles. Thanks for sharing...I love these 2 comments!!
So true ladies, just saying that I am not sure if it is necessary to take an inventory and categorize people: "Oh, Penny is my true friend but Marsha is just an acquaintance." I think the Lord just calls us to more mature relationships than that; HE calls us His friends. Thank God He didn't say "You are just my pal." LOL. Also by doing this you may be missing out on what could be a deeper relationship; perhaps if you called an "acquaintance" or reached out in a deeper way you would be surprised.
C.
Oh yes, that is so true as well! My neighbor, M, started out as "just an acquaintance" and the more we got to know each other we found we had many things in common! and now we call each other friends. I actually started doing this series because 2 other friends of mine were talking about the whole FB thing and how most people on their list were just "pals" (cute word!) and it got us to thinking about the definitions of the words surrounding relationships in general. I am SOOOO glad Jesus is our True Friend and calls us His Children, His Friends and most importantly His Bride!! thanks for all your comments! :)
Hugs to you!!
Oh.....(I LOVE all this dialogue!!) Yes, I have "gone deep" like C suggests but for people (women and men) who have been abused, we need to keep in mind that trusting others is often very difficult for them. (If C is the person from my local church, she will know what I mean, I think.). Trusting even friends whom God puts in our paths is so very hard for abuse survivors. I have always been so paranoid that people would want to "fix" the abused one. Only God can restore that in a person.....thankfully I have experienced this and am still learning from it...even recently I have had to learn that I may have ruined a good friendship based on my lack of trust but...God does restore when we want Him to and if we are willing and oh how I praise Him for that! We need to remember to have mercy and grace for the people God places in our lives who have been hurt and help them to know we are the ones who will not hurt them....but..it can be hard and sometimes the friend who is on the receiving end might end up feeling drained. THis is also something I have just learned. I wish trust were easier! It is probably why I don't go deep with just anyone!
I read something on Tara Barthel's blog this AM that I thought that I would share:
"Yesterday I met for the first time with a new friend for prayer, Bible study, and accountability regarding a certain area of temptation that we both face.
As is often the case whenever I’m trying something new, I really (really!) wanted to back out at the last minute. New = scary, at least for me. (Not cooking level of scary or anything, but scary nonetheless.)
But I also really (really!) wanted to meet. Not with any “twelve step plan for victory” or spreadsheet of organized temptations & relevant Scriptures or even with any “big goal” in mind. But just for friendship and companionship along life’s journey—and for encouragement to remember what I know to be true, to believe it, and lay hold of it with all of my emotions and energies and thoughts and actions.
Because it’s one thing to believe something. It’s another thing to actually live it out. For that? We really require help—the present means of grace. The Body (the Church). The Holy Spirit. The Living, Active Word of God. Our baptism. The Lord’s Supper.
Friends.
Ahhh, friends. They don’t just “happen,” do they? Friendship, real relationship, takes time and effort. Vulnerability. An investment.
I’m always amazed when someone is willing to be my friend! To sit across from this godly young woman and learn with her? To enjoy her gifts and mind and passions? To help bear her burdens and have the privilege of praying for her? All while I know she is praying for me too? What an honor.
Especially when you consider that I just told her a bunch of my JUNK and she didn’t go running from the room in abject terror or disgust. No. Our casual acquaintanceship / sister in Christ / member of the same church but don’t really know each other relationship took one little step toward a genuine relationship. And I’m grateful. Very grateful."
The blog name is Tara Barthel Considerable Grace, if you do a goodle search it will pop up, I tried to paste the link but it won't seem to work in this comment block. She has a great blog and she has written a good book, I actually did the whole dvd series.
Oh Erin! thank you so very much for this!! I just love it and it is how I feel about YOU and the friendship we share as well as my friend C and my friend CS and K and a few others....it is just wonderful...I am going to check that blog out!! thanks so much....she has stated what I am trying to say!! so awesome.....thanks again...I'll call you over the weekend...
Post a Comment