It's Monday and time for Marriage Monday ministry!
Our topic this month is Money in Christian Marriage.......to link up and participate head over to E-mom's blog found here.
Material contentment reminds me of the Scripture from Philippians 4: 11 which states:
"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content."
And the key words for me? I HAVE LEARNED....
I have not always been so content, financially. We are not in need...not by a long shot. Yet, I would love more. I long for more money, a log house in the Adirondack mountains, a long-dreamed of trip to PEI, and a bigger savings account, more money to give more to my fave mission organizations, etc.
Who doesn't want more of something?? I find it to be very normal for human beings in our country to want more. We are selfish and greedy. We are. Just look at the commuter traffic if you don't believe me. BUT.....
We can definitely learn to be content with what God has already blessed us with.
And I have had to learn quickly this year.
My husband Dave is a software engineer so he makes a very good salary for our area. I used to be a master level teacher in an inner city private special education school and made an ok salary for the late 1980's/1990's. And then the children came along....and I stopped teaching full time so I could do the more important job (in my opinion) of being at home full-time with my oldest daughter. When my oldest started high school and my youngest started 3rd grade, I went back to special education, part time hours every day. I didn't return to being a Master Teacher because I felt that my time out of the classroom needed to be with raising my daughters, managing the home and driving them to their various activities; plus we had just transitioned to a new church and I wanted to be involved in various ministries there. I did NOT want to have to do home visits, write IEPs in the evening hours, conduct parent mtgs, etc.
I took a "step down" career- wise and took a job in our public school district as a special education teacher assistant. The pay is ok. Not great. But we have Dave's salary and we had already learned how to live on one income way back in 1995. (the years 1998-2004, I worked at a crisis pregnancy center 2 days a week for only a stipend and parking costs...no salary or hourly wage). We learned how to say NO to certain things yet still have fun.....don't get me wrong...I still managed to get most of what I wanted for the house, yard, clothing, etc. We were doing ok and I was even beginning to take pride (uh oh...a respectable sin!) in the fact that I was building up a good savings account. For me.
and then my attitude about savings had to change this past autumn:
Our oldest daughter chose a private Christian college in New England. Which means we get NO NYS aid. None. She receives the Dean Scholarship which is academically based. We don't qualify for ANY financial aid or grants. (other than the Stafford Loan, which has to be paid back cause it's a LOAN!) So I just figured we'd have her take out a bank loan like most college kids do. Like we did. Right??
Wrong. My husband wanted to NOT have her take out private loans. We did accept the small federal loan but again, that only took off about half her room and board. I pleaded with my husband to just let her take out a loan! I reminded him that we had had them.....and he reminded me that interest was less back then AND that we didn't have academic scholarships until grad school so "had" to take out loans because our parents made way less money than he does. I didn't really understand his reasoning until he put it this way: we have a savings account!! "But that's mine!" I retorted! Um....yikes...we are married! which means it's ours. And I believe that my husband is the head of the household so.....Sigh....Here's what followed:
I can accept full time hours as a TA (these hours just "happened" to open up in October!..don't ya just love how God does stuff??) and still be home by 3:15 to manage the house and Claire's numerous after -school activities. I can still manage my small group because we are now down to just schlepping one child around rather than both. And he would help out more with housework. Yeah, right. (well, ok, he does pretty good at times with this!).
Basically, Dave was telling me to trust God, we would pay for her tuition this year and maybe her 2nd year and take it from there. She had a small part-time on-campus job (doesn't generate much money) and she had her own savings from grad party money, etc. She will have to try to find a summer job this year. And she chose to rent her textbooks rather than buy new when she could. This was a true blessing from God and her first semester bill for books was only $105! (doesn't count art supplies) and her 2nd semester book bill was about $33. If your child's college has the "rent a book" option, go for it! (Gordon College also lets you do it online and has all the books ready the day before classes begin!).....God's Hand has been in our lives for sure this year.....and yet.....there was this whole loan thing. What was God trying to teach me through my husband's leadership regarding money?
I can accept full time hours as a TA (these hours just "happened" to open up in October!..don't ya just love how God does stuff??) and still be home by 3:15 to manage the house and Claire's numerous after -school activities. I can still manage my small group because we are now down to just schlepping one child around rather than both. And he would help out more with housework. Yeah, right. (well, ok, he does pretty good at times with this!).
Basically, Dave was telling me to trust God, we would pay for her tuition this year and maybe her 2nd year and take it from there. She had a small part-time on-campus job (doesn't generate much money) and she had her own savings from grad party money, etc. She will have to try to find a summer job this year. And she chose to rent her textbooks rather than buy new when she could. This was a true blessing from God and her first semester bill for books was only $105! (doesn't count art supplies) and her 2nd semester book bill was about $33. If your child's college has the "rent a book" option, go for it! (Gordon College also lets you do it online and has all the books ready the day before classes begin!).....God's Hand has been in our lives for sure this year.....and yet.....there was this whole loan thing. What was God trying to teach me through my husband's leadership regarding money?
Basically...."trust your husband and God" is what my husband was saying.
That was hard for me as it left me feeling out of control! WHY IN THE WORLD SHOULD MY ENTIRE SALARY GO TO MY CHILD'S COLLEGE EDUCATION WHEN SHE CAN TAKE OUT A LOAN???
The answer? because of the consumer debt in this country. It is not getting better..in fact, it's getting pretty bad. People just don't save. Our investment people have told us this, our life insurance guy has told us this, and we see it in the news. I've lived it. We had not saved for our daughters' higher education. At all. I was saving for MY future...not my daughters' future. Yet....our daughters were given to us by God and we are supposed to be good stewards with what God gives us. This doesn't mean just money, time, and talents. This means our children!! I started meditating and praying for a change of heart.
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| image taken from worldofstock.com |
So...I told my husband I was going to trust him (and a recent sermon really helped with this too) and God. (Note: scroll down if you click on the above link and look for the bold font "Sermon on Generosity:)
I took the full time hours (that was totally a God thing and yes...I DO miss my part time hours...I could get lots more done in the afternoons and now I have to do more housework in the evenings or on weekends....but...)
It has me putting my entire salary into savings until the college demands payment and it's forcing me to trust God more for the extras.
It has meant putting off getting 2 new floors and renting a cabin in the mountains. It has meant even less time at restaurants or buying impulsively. It has meant saying NO to certain church activities that require more money yet it has increased my faith in tithing, giving, and trusting my husband and God.
And that brings peace.
We have a combined peace about paying for college (and hopefully we can continue this for our 2nd daughter) because we realize, that for at least this first year and next semester, that Courtney will not have a private bank loan to have to repay in 4 years. There is peace in that!! Our children are going to have a tougher time than we did in finding good employment if things continue the way they have been in this country. Our state of NY has one of the highest level of taxes and we do hope to move once the 2nd daughter is out of high school....but..that's still 5 years away and we can only take things one day at a time.
For now? we are learning to be content where we are: with one very good salary and one salary that is going directly into savings. She doesn't have to take out a large, private loan and be in so much debt upon graduating from college. So....where are we? living more frugally, with peace in helping to pay for her higher education.....we think this is being good stewards of our money AND a good steward for our daughter. She will have some debt, yes. But if we can help lower it, we are choosing to do that. And I am at peace about it finally.
Will she have to take out a private loan next year?? Maybe. We can't predict the future but we CAN trust God.
And we can be good stewards of what He has given us.
We know not everyone can do this. But because God has blessed Dave with job security and has taught me to totally trust my husband's wisdom, I have money peace.
Finally.
We know not everyone can do this. But because God has blessed Dave with job security and has taught me to totally trust my husband's wisdom, I have money peace.
Finally.
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| A J Gordon Chapel facing the Quad Lane Student Center on the right image taken from college.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com |
What is God teaching YOU about money in marriage?? Have you ever had to just blindly trust?
7 comments:
I, too, shared about blind trust - that's where the blessings are! Glad you found a place where you could be content!
There is much peace in contentment.
Yikes, this is such a huge topic!! You are very blessed that you can live off one paycheck and bank another. We have never in our 28 years of marriage had that. We are in a time of trusting God right now too. Hubby has had a shake up in his job and I am looking at losing 4 kids by September in my dayhome and so far not one has been replaced. And this right in the midst of a building campaign at church. To say that fear tries to come upon me is an understatement. But I know even though I don't understand God's ways I know His heart is for my good so I'm trusting in Him.
What a great testimony in the works. Like you, my heart would love to have a cabin in the Adirondacks, but the closest I'm getting is basing my fiction work there!
You are blessed to have a husband operating on faith. This story is going to have a very happy ending!
Great post. We live on one very modest income. I homeschool my three children, and so it's just the necessities for us. Definitely I've had to trust God with our finances over the years. I really like how you included our children in what God has given us to be good stewards for. I hadn't thought of them that way before, but I really like it. It can be a very humbling thought.
I feel like I can relate to so much in this post, Faith! We are putting two sons through college and trying, day to day, to trust God's provision for our own savings and daily expenses as well. But as you've pointed out here, God is good and provides in ways we never expected. Great post!
Amen, Faith. So pleased you're at peace now. The complexity of raising a family and putting them through college is dizzying. I hear you!
Your husband is a wise man and you are a smart woman to trust his judgment. My husband also insisted on no college loans, and so our kids are debt-free as young adults. It's a blessing they really appreciate and thank us for.
As always, thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday, Faith.
Hugs, e-Mom ღ
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