Amazed!

The email was short and to the point.  The spring semester bill for our youngest daughter's university was available to print out and send in with one huge check.  The award money was listed: Presidential Scholarship, out-of-state student grant, Stafford loan 1, Stafford loan 2, work-study.  Leaving us with about 1/2 the cost of her entire bill.  Anxiety started to set in. I went for a walk to the neighborhood cemetery and just stood in that late afternoon sun....thinking, starting to stress, starting to feel anxious....but allowing the fresh air of the wind blowing the leaves to chase away that anxious feeling and give me fresh air to breathe... like the fresh Wind of the Holy Spirit chases away those anxious thoughts and reminds me of the One who gives me breath.

Same day after my walk:  received the last quarterly statement from my credit union where all of my paychecks get deposited.  To pay for said university. It looked as though I was about $1000 short. sigh.  Anxiety started to set in again. So much for that cleansing walk...... 

Then God brought to my  mind  the Scripture in Philippians:  

Instead of carrying around this anxious feeling...that stops my dreams and turns them into nightmares, that clenches my chest up tight and leaves me feeling pinched and drained...that brings to mind the dark days just after college and being broke all.the.time and trying to trust but not knowing how....not really knowing Who it is to trust......

instead of that.....I chose to be amazed.  Amazed at this life God has given me...to nurture and love these pieces of my heart walking around outside....these two daughters with the expensive college costs and this hard-working husband who makes it possible to live on one salary while banking mine.  

Amazed at all He has brought us through...the ups and the downs....the trials and the triumphs....

You see, to stand amazed...in His Presence... means to trust.  To trust the One we cannot see.  To trust the One who holds all things in His Hand.  To trust the One whose mercies are new every morning and Who draws us near when we draw near to Him. 

To stand amazed, means my anxieties are blown away like the leaves are blown by this autumn wind, whirling and twirling away from my mind, my heart........

I put the statement down.  I put the bill down.

I went through out my evening engaged in  activities of chores, housework, dinner. 

And upon the light of the new day dawning....I picked up that bank statement. 

And saw in bold print (how did I miss this the day before??!) the actual balance.

It was close to the exact amount of the bill!! You see, I had been looking at the statement balance from the previous month. The new balance was right there all along...in a separate line. 

I stand amazed...in His Presence.....in the knowing that He sees, He hears our pleas....He walks with us when we talk with Him.....

God was reminding me to continue to trust.....with all the little things..because really?  This college bill is just a small thing to Him.........in the large scheme of our lives....I don't have to worry about stuff.....about how to pay for her remaining college costs....I just have to trust.....and be obedient to His purposes and plans....and give Him the glory....

And when I went to the credit union this morning to get that big check made out to the university, I discovered that I have a little over $1000 left!  Statements are quarterly...in my anxious state, before I took that calming walk, I had forgotten that my November paychecks would be in the account!

It's amazing how God can take our anxiety and turn it into peace.

Peace that passes understanding.

I'm amazed.