Today's topic is "Divorce: Is It Ever Right for Christians?
Oh boy. A controversial subject, I believe!
Divorce is never really "right" in my opinion, for Christians, based on all the Scriptures that talk about how God hates divorce. However, it happens. It happens in unbelievers/secular families and it happens in (gasp!) Christian families. I know many people who profess Christ, who either have been divorced or are thinking of getting a divorce, or married someone who was divorced. WHY?? Well, I think one main reason people get divorced so easily nowadays is because of selfishness/pride. Possibly laziness. They don't want to work on their marital conflict. Divorce seems like the easy way out. Or they are not taking their marriage vows seriously: marriage is a sacred covenant. However, I also know that sometimes, even for Christians, divorce is the only answer. There have been many blogs today participating in this topic and many of them have included all the Scriptures about divorce, marriage, adultery, etc. I am not going to re-post those verses. But....I do believe that there are 3 circumstances that could warrant a Christian spouse filing for divorce. Here are the 3 things:

1. Adultery: My husband says that back in the Bible days, men (or women) were killed if they were caught in adultery. Well, in our culture, that does not happen! So....if the spouse (husband or wife) is not repentant and willing to stop the sinful behavior of adultery, then yes, I believe the spouse that is not engaging in the behavior, can separate. If the adulterous spouse is still not willing to attend marital counseling and repent of his/her sin before the Lord, then I believe the best thing is to divorce. However, I have also known couples who this happened to and they worked on their marriage because the spouse was truly repentant and came back to Christ and their marriage was saved. That is a miracle of God! They were a couple willing to keep sacred that covenant between them and the Lord. It also took the other spouse, the one who was not in sin, to have a heart that was gracious, merciful and forgiving. Those things are key to having the marriage covenant restored. I think that because so many Christians have trouble extending grace, mercy and forgiveness, it makes troubled marriages an easy target for divorce court. And Satan would love for that to happen!
2. Abuse: don't even get me started on this topic! Oh wait, I already am! I have seen abused women stay in marriages that they really should have fled. I have been a Christian since 1975. I have been married for 17 years. Sometimes everything is rosy, sometimes not! I have been a mommy for 14 years. I have been a special education teacher since 1987 and I was a parenting instructor for 5 years. I have seen ALOT of abused women and children.(because of my career) And yes, I once knew an abused man. (he was being emotionally abused by his wife). Abuse should NEVER be tolerated. I am not just saying that because I am a mandated reporter. I advocate for abused children. I have actually told 3 women (moms) to leave their husbands with their kids. For their own lives' sake. Abuse is rampant in and out of the church. It is shocking I know to think of it in a Christian church....but...it is there. By abuse I mean: physical, emotional, sexual/incest. The best thing for a spouse to do if being abused by another spouse, is to get out and tell a trusted person. Abusers are rarely repentant. It can happen because God is in the business of miracles. But...from the experience I have, abusers are rarely repentant. I won't go into all the consequences of what happens to children/women who are victims of abuse. That would be another post. But...I definitely think it is ok for a spouse to flee and seek divorce if the other spouse is inflicting physical/sexual or emotional harm on his/her family members.
3. Mental Illness: I don't see this talked about much in regards to marriage and divorce but I do know of a couple whom a friend of mine was helping to counsel. (in their own church). This couple appeared to be a solid, Christian family. However, the mother/wife, began exhibiting personality disorders and after professional counseling, it was revealed that she has multiple personality disorder and was very dysfunctional in her role as wife and mother. The kids were in danger so the father had to leave with them. He is a leader in his church. He is saved! However, he is seeking a divorce. Is this ok? I don't really know. I am not God. However, the first instinct for this dad is to keep his kids safe. The mother is "losing it" mentally and is most likely heading for a place that can treat her illness. I am not saying that for just any personality quirk that a couple should head for divorce. This is just an extreme case of a very severe mental illness and since there are children involved the dad needs to keep them safe. God expects us to take care of what He has given us. This includes our children...our most precious gift! (the dad, by the way, does still love the wife but....last I knew, he was seeking a divorce and full custody; the woman is in denial regarding her mental illness).

I thank God that I come from parents who have been married since 1952!
I thank God that my husband comes from parents who have been married since the 1950's. (and they are not born again Christians!)
I thank God that my husband and I, when faced with conflict, have awesome marital counselors in our church if we need them, a pastor and his wife who pour into that ministry, and good friends to come along side us. We have purposed in our hearts that we will not divorce. It also helps that the 3 issues mentioned above are not issues in our lives. Are we perfect? No. We all sin. Christian couples sin. But....with grace, mercy and forgiveness we have a chance to keep our marriage sacred.
I like this quote from The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman:

"At the heart of mankind's existence is the desire
to be intimate and to be loved by another.
Marriage is designed to meet
that need for
intimacy and love."

If our marriages are "running on empty" (the emotional love tank), they will falter and most likely fail. Intimately know your mate, emotionally! Know and fill his love language. It will improve your marriage. And...extend mercy, forgiveness and grace!

"let all bitterness, warth, anger, clamor and evil speaking be put away from you,with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4: 31,32

"...be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle with flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand." Ephesians 6: 10-13
Scripture is from The Soul Care Bible, NKJv)