Romance Matters!

Marriage Monday is back!
I didn't vote for this topic because I really don't need romance in my marriage, although it is a nice thing and I appreciate it when Dave does romantic things for me. My love language is gifts and quality time, so to me, those can be romantic, depending on how he is filling my "love tank".

Favorite romantic things Dave does for me:

• Holding my hand in public places like church during praise and worship, outdoors, a store (we rarely shop together though...that's a whole other post!)
  
• Sitting close to me on one of the family room couches and holding hands while we watch an old classic "romance" flick (Casablanca!)
• Rubbing my feet after a long day of teaching, homemaking and managing a preteen and teen! And I reciprocate because he finds that romantic, too!
• When I have been emotionally drained from a past issue I've dealt with over the years, Dave leaves me little encouraging notes with pertinent Bible verses on them. It might not seem romantic to you, but to me, it is! Because he is showing me love in a way that I feel full: the note meets my gift need (primary love language) and he took the time to share it. It gives me the opportunity to meet his love language by affirming with my words, just how special he is to me and how thankful I am to the Lord for giving him to me to be my life partner.
• His notes to me that he has prayed for me. Yes, I think of this as romantic!
• His "dinner date" plans. He LOVES going out to dinner, just the 2 of us, for a romantic evening. We never go anywhere super fancy as it just isn't in our budget,usually; but he does choose our fave restaurants and activities (walking a town trail, playing mini-golf, biking, or just sitting somewhere and talking). When the children were little, he didn't mind spending money on a babysitter because we felt it was important to get away as a couple. Married couples need what we like to call "couple time". If you really can't afford a sitter, then put your children to bed early or send them to the playroom with a movie and play a boardgame together. We do this alot in the winter on a weekend afternoon or evening. It actually is more challenging now as the girls are older and stay up later. But...if the teen is at a social event, we let the youngest watch a DVD while we spend some time alone. Or we pay the teen to entertain and put her younger sister to bed.
  
• Biking together: this is romantic to me too because we hardly ever get to do it. In fact, we haven't gone biking together since last autumn. I bike all spring and summer and into the fall but it is rare for Dave to get on his bike. So...when he does, I view it as a romantic gesture because it shows me he wants to meet my secondary love language which is quality time. Working out together can be romantic and fun!
  
• Dancing together: yeah, we're kinda corny...we do put on cd's with music from the 40's and we waltz, fox trot (well, if we remember the steps!) and just have a blast. We dance in the kitchen since there isn't really any other space. Our daughters just roll their eyes and hightail it outta there. They think we're nuts. But...our first year at our church (about 3 years ago) we took a ballroom dancing class. We loved it and like to practice our steps. We don't do this very often at all but when we do it is just so romantic. It reminds us of our wedding day....where it all began!

Those are most of the things we do that we view as romantic. I love candles but he doesn't really think they are romantic since he is allergic to many scents. So I try not to burn alot. But I do like the romantic ambience they create. What I like to do instead, when we are in the bedroom...well....you get the idea...is light one of our kerosene lanterns. Now that is romantic!!
And after spending time together, and meeting each other's love languages, we are more apt to want to go to bed together. For more than sleep. Hey...this is a family-friendly blog so I need to be careful what I type here!

Seriously, that act of marriage that God created for us to enjoy is not always romantic is it? Let's be honest. But...if romance is kept alive during the week with little things and the love languages are being met, then that sweet savor can return that you had during the honeymoon. Trust me...I know from experience. We have been married 18 years and there have been times when my heart has not been into any thing "romantic" or "sexy". But...when we are paying attention to each other, and putting the budget, the children, the ministries, the work, the chores, the relatives, etc etc. on the back burner so to speak, then we have the focus and emotional energy for the physical. And then it becomes an act of romance for me and not just an act.

Why does romance matter? Because WE matter. God gave us marriage for so many reasons but in my opinion, the main one was to be life partners together, to grow and know Him together and to raise a future generation together. We live together! And we matter to God. He wants us to have successful marriages. When we were dating and engaged (come on, admit it...we have all been there!) didn't you do romantic things together?? Of course!
So why in so many marriages, yes, even Christian ones, does the romance die?
Because we don't take the time.
I am one of the worst ones. I really don't do many things for Dave that he would view as "romantic". At least from my perception, I don't. But...I do try to meet his love language every day (Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch). And yes, I fall in this area. I sometimes forget or get too busy with life. Or I let other stuff around the house get in the way. And No, we don't "do it" every nite. I can meet his secondary love language (physical touch) in other ways: hugs, shoulder rubs, foot massages, kisses). Dave especially needs me to hug him before he leaves for work. (hopefully he won't mind me sharing this!). He loves that and it is romantic to him. So.....
But I must say that he is the more romantic one. I can be if I really think about it.
Either way, we do try to build romance into our week. Sometimes we are successful and sometimes not so much.

Take the time for your spouse. Each day. Even if it is a little thing. Sometimes it is the little things that matter most. And lots of little things can add up to a big thing!

To read more Marriage Monday articles, just go here to E-mom's site.